Forget Waldo. Where’s Gloria?

Gloria Allred—the lawyer who put the ”rude” in jurisprudence—is mysteriously missing in action of late. Surfacing recently from beneath her rock in a cellophane effort to shore up Jerry-the-Clown Brown’s gubernatorial aspirations, Allred came riding to the raucous rescue of innocent Nikki Diaz, poor li’l counterfeit alien girl forced to accept the humiliating, inhumane salary of $23-an-hour from her employer-oppressor, Meg “She’s a whore” Whitman. Victim Diaz was even forced to—terribile dictu—drive the Whitman automobile to—and from!—the supermarket. Forget the Chicago stockyards, o ghost of Upton Sinclair, and get thee to California. It’s a real jungle out there.

Of course, Allred is to be applauded for her unrelenting altruistic efforts to call reprobates like Whitman to account and to champion immigration cheats and forgers like victim Diaz, those loveable naughty miscreants who otherwise would not have a voice in our noble legal system. “What’s in a name?” asked Romeo. But indeed, in Allred’s case, is there an appellation other than Gloria so befitting this self-effacing vindicatrix of victimhood, this scourge of scandal, this Titania of tarnish?

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In what quickly became the headline story from the results of the Illinois Primary on February 2nd, Scott Lee Cohen was nominated as the Democratic candidate for Lieutenant Governor. This charming gentlemen spent around $2-$3 million of his own money to win the election.  Here is where things get weird.

Dem Lt Gov Candidate Scott Lee Cohen

The Chicago Tribune, in writing on his victory, immediately highlighted he was charged with domestic battery. Then news came fast and furious. He was a chronic user of anabolic steroids. He was abusive to his wife and children and even went so far as to try to “force himself” on her. He held a knife to his prostitute girlfriend’s throat. As he was spending millions running for office, he was a dead beat dad falling behind on child support payments he obviously could afford. His divorce file was found and put online. Those documents were not even sealed.

This, of course, presents a huge problem for Illinois Democrats. The Lt. Governor runs independent in the Primary but in the General the Governor and Lt. Governor are paired.  Governor Pat Quinn is, understandably, less than pleased. However, by law, there is no way to get rid of the Lt. Governor candidate unless that person drops out. To say the Democrats are in a state of panic is to put it mildly.

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