The following is a transcript of audio recorded in the secret underground lair of Sec. of State Hillary Clinton. Due to the seditious nature of the conversation between Ms. Clinton and several top Democratic strategists, many Bothans died to give us this information.

HILLARY:  I announce next week. What’s my rationale for opposing Obama while hedging my bets and remaining Secretary of Stasis?

HOWARD WOLFSON:  No rationale is necessary, Excellency. This is about a woman’s right to choose.

HILLARY:  Correct. The decision to contend is between me and my spin doctor.

PAUL BEGALA:  You’ll alienate the black vote if you attack Obama, Mistress.

HILLARY:  How do I campaign without criticizing him?

ANN LEWIS:  Go positive, your Majesty. Commend his Muslim roots, his readiness to nuke Pakistan if he’s disrespected, his “Buy American” initiative encouraging drug cartels to shop here for their arms needs.  You’ll appear generous while planting doubts.

HILLARY:  Wonderful!  He rejects my “compliments,” he looks petty. Serpenthead?

JAMES CARVILLE:  Exalted One, reach out to our loyal media familiars to push this meme — under Obama, the poor may be obese and own iPads and SUVs, but their children are still going to bed hungry. (more…)

The loud clanging alarm clock went off promptly at 6:00 a.m. as it always did. I hopped off my government-issue twin mattress right away. As an unmarried single dweller, I’m not permitted to own a queen-size mattress, and concealing a king-sizer could even get me a 90-day jail stint if some overzealous bureaucrat were to come knocking. No, for me the twin-size was deemed sufficient “nocturnal  replenishment space” (governmentese for “mattress”). The government didn’t seem to mind that at 6’4” I find my allotted replenishment space a tad confining.

“One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich” (opening of 1970 Caspar Wrede film)

Anyway, I leapt right into action. Not like in the good old pre-2013 days when I’d take my sweet time and listen to my favorite morning talk radio show under the cozy covers. Unfortunately, ever since the Obama administration’s Broadcast Airwaves Czar reinstituted The Fairness Act in August of 2012, the talk radio shows one by one all faded from the airwaves. Talk radio was simply no longer commercially viable once the stations had to counterbalance with unprofitable Air America-style programming. Well, if it gets me out of bed and becoming a productive member of the labor force one hour sooner, I suppose that’s for the better. As Mr. and Mrs. Obama have reminded me on many occasions, it’s a shared sacrifice. And I know they’re shouldering their portion of the burden just like me.  I’m sure their Nocturnal Replenishment Space is only a Queen.

Solzhenitsyn in the gulag

Today was the first day of the month, which meant I had to get to the Mortgage Relief Assistance Office by 7:30 if I wanted to get a good spot in line for my subsidy. Since that MRA check covers 90% of my mortgage payment, I’m not about to pass it up—even though I could easily make the payment myself from money I squirreled away before the Equity in Compensation Act of 2012 reduced my handsome programmer’s salary by two-thirds. I guess all those years I spent studying the intricacies of digital architecture were not the wise investment in my future I once thought.

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