It’s always the little things that make me miss George W. Bush. Yes, his public profligacy gave us Obama, which in turn gave us the Tea Party. New York Times reporter Jodi Kantor’s book, The Obamas, makes me love him all the more. The book gushes a little much about Michelle Obama’s sense of style.

We learn, this, for instance:

[The First Lady] hired a wardrobe assistant; when she traveled abroad, she wanted to bring her own hair and makeup assistants; and to redecorate the private quarters of the White House, she passed over little-known designers in favor of Michael Smith, who had done houses for Steven Spielberg and Rupert Murdoch. (85)

(A few days after the inauguration we learn that Michael Smith had also redone the executive suite of John Thain, the fired CEO of Merrill Lynch, for $1.2 million after having gotten $20 billion bailout money.)

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Recently, an aggressive media campaign has been launched by Let’s Move, a government-funded fitness initiative led by Michelle Obama.

As you will see in this TV spot that’s airing, one of many, the message of the Let’s Move campaign is quite simple: Lying to your children is fine because it’s good for them.

Let’s Move should be relabeled Let’s Lie.

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JOE BIDEN:  [handing President phone]  Axelrod calling from Chicago, Boss.  He sounds pissed.

OBAMA:  Hey Axe!  Whassup?

No, I don’t know who leaked our decision to abandon blue collar whites.  Soon’s we find the S.O.B., we’ll dress him up like a banker and drop him into the middle of an OWS protest.

You’re kidding.  We gotta reverse course because word got out?

Okay, I understand: you want me and Joe to be regular people for a while.  Suggestions?

Avoid Camp David.  Fine.  Too rustic for my taste, anyway.  Anything else?

Wait until after the election to eminent domain Lafayette Square and build a White House pitch and putt complex?  No problem.  That it?

What?!  Aw, c’mon, man!  You can’t be serious.  That would demean the office of the Presidency.

All right, all right, I’ll do it.  Yeah, we’ll brainstorm more ideas, too.  Okay, later. [hangs up]

BIDEN:  Chief?

OBAMA:  First thing tomorrow, Joe, you and I begin hanging new drapery in the East Room.

JAY CARNEY:  I’ll alert the networks to have camera crews in place by 10:00 a.m., sir.

BILL DALEY:  Your 9:00 o’clock tee time with Tiger at Congressional, Mr. President?  I’ll call him and canc. …

OBAMA:  Ixnay!  SNL’s Fred Armisen owes me big for resuscitating his career.  Request his presence here at dawn in work clothes and cap.   Jay, don’t give the signal to start taping until Fred and Joe are atop their ladders.  No close ups.

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BILL DALEY: You shouldn’t have used the phrase “leading from behind” last spring when you spoke off the record about Libya, Mr. Vice-President.

BIDEN:  Well, I didn’t, Billy boy.  I said Hillary was leading with her behind.  Or maybe I said the whole NATO operation was like the blind leading the blind.  I don’t remember.  But the guy misquoted me.

OBAMA:  No lasting harm.  Research and Destroy knocked that off the front pages fast with the Cain revelations.

DAVID PLOUFFE:  Oh, Mr. President, the Smithsonian taxidermist just delivered Gaddafi’s head.

OBAMA:  Okay.  Tell Housekeeping to mount it above the mantel in the Residence, next to bin Laden’s.  And remind them to leave room for Baby Assad and Boehner.

VALERIE JARRETT:  Sir, the Libya bump is fading since Fox reported diehard Islamists have seized control of the country and Gaddafi’s massive stock of surface-to-air missiles.

BIDEN:  Damn Ailes, trying to make people think we shoulda known that could happen. (more…)

January 23, 2013

White House, Cabinet Room

First meeting of President Obama’s new team

OBAMA: Listen up, people. I got myself across the finish line but couldn’t bring Congress along.  That’s why you’re here.  Except for Defense, you represent the first entirely recessed Cabinet in American history.  Do me proud.  Michelle?

MICHELLE: I’m the new Chief of Staff. You want to see him, you gotta get past me. Waste my time, I’ll cut your budget 10%.

OBAMA: So, let’s hear some fresh ideas.  HHS?

MICHAEL MOORE: Now that the World Court has overturned the Supremes and ruled the PPACA [ObamaCare] constitutional, sir, amend the program to cover all humanity.  Eventually, include lesser beings, as well.  Innumerable uninsured creatures are suffering out there.

OBAMA: Easy, big guy; we’ll do it in stages.  After people, we insure the remaining mammalians; then, things with legs; finally, air breathers.  Treasury?

PAUL KRUGMAN: I’ve run the numbers, sir: Stimulus IV should tip the worldwide economy into depression within a year.

OBAMA: Good.  That gets us closer to the one-world government mankind will demand I lead to left the—I mean, to right the ship.  I’m getting bored with the Presidency, anyway. OMB? (more…)

JAY CARNEY:  Sir, word from the Senate on your American Jobs Act.  Majority Leader Reid is complaining of constipation.  Says he’s been pushing since yesterday, but he can’t pass the bill.

OBAMA:  Merde!  After I did all the heavy lifting.  Damn do-nothing Congress.

VALERIE JARRETT:  Good thing you’re leaving the country next week, sir.  No one can blame you if the measure tanks when you’re abroad on official business.

OBAMA: Where am I off to?

BILL DALEY:  You’ll begin your working tour of Scotland’s golf courses on Monday, sir.  Meanwhile, the First Lady and several dozen close friends and family members are already aboard the presidential yacht, Alinsky, en route to the Galapagos for a holiday.

OBAMA:  Message her confirmation that we’ll rendezvous a week from Friday on the Côte d’Azur.  When do I return home?

DALEY:  Um, we want to be flexible, sir.  Tell him, Poll Boy.

CHUCK TODD:  Recent surveys indicate hiring spikes and an uptick in consumer confidence when you’re away, sir.  It’s as if some great weight was lifted from. . . . .

OBAMA:  I get it, Chuck.  All right.  Add Ireland to my itinerary.  Inform Michelle I’ll join her on the Riviera October 1^st.  Eric, do you have this “Gunwalker” thing under control? (more…)

In reaction to the criticism over the Obama family heading to Martha’s Vineyard amidst gargantuan economic woes and unemployment rates so high even the dead are disturbed, liberals have taken to defending Obama’s vacation time (transportation compliments of two tax-payer funded jets) by portraying George W. Bush as a man who never worked.

According to Obama’s defenders, Bush vacation days were disproportionately greater when compared to Barack “nose-to-the-grindstone” Obama’s. The left argues that Obama has earned 10 days in a haven for multimillionaires because Bush spent eight years in perpetual party mode.

Mr. Bush did spend time on “vacation.” But Obama and Michelle closing down Bar Harbor, Maine to dine in upscale restaurants with a “Latin flair” is quite different from G.W. fishing on his family’s estate in Kennebunkport prior to hosting a “Lobster Summit” for Vladimir Putin.

According to CBS reporter Mark Knoller, a vacationing President Bush would go into town for an annual cheeseburger. On the other hand, every chance he gets, Barack relaxes seaside, sipping sunset cocktails and eating lobster while the Secret Service keep peons at bay.

Maybe scorekeepers could refresh America’s memory and cite the instance when Mr. and Mrs. Bush nearly brought the Big Apple to a halt while they leisurely took in dinner and a show.

Intermittently, George W. did head home to conduct business from the “Western White House” in Crawford, Texas. For fun, Mr. Bush would be seen with a “power saw in his hand going after brush and dead trees.” President Obama has got to know that no one would condemn a decision to head home to his Tony Rezko-acquired property on South Greenwood Avenue in Chicago, instead of his $4,000 a night “Winter White House” in Hawaii.

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You can imagine homeless man James Dirk Crudup’s confusion when he was detained by the Secret Service after innocently “jumping the fence at the White House” hoping to avail himself of the free perks Obama keeps touting for the poverty-stricken.

Mr. Crudup, carrying all his earthly possessions in his backpack, managed to scale the fence on the north side of the White House, whereupon he and his luggage were both promptly taken into custody.

A police dog “sniffed something suspicious in the man’s bag after he was spotted scaling the fence by agents.” As a precautionary measure, the seized belongings were closely examined by the Secret Service, DC Fire, and EMS.  Thankfully, “nothing hazardous was found,” although no one mentioned whether or not the knapsack contained an extra pair of the homeless man’s dirty socks.

Reporters were on site during the fracas and some  “saw agents …with weapons drawn…one agent could be seen on the roof of the [White House] peering through a pair of binoculars,” but it’s unclear as to whether he was routinely posted there to look out for rodents in the Rose Garden.

As a homeless man, Mr. Crudup epitomizes “the neediest amongst us,” and is a part of society that the President draws on to justify his ever-expanding entitlement system.

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OBAMA:  Ryan’s the one who’s giving their caucus spine.  And he still won’t budge?

VALERIE JARRETT:  No, sir.  His family . . .  release them?

OBAMA:  Not yet.  Give it another day or two.  Let Mrs. Ryan have formula for the baby, though.

BILL DALEY:  What about Kucinich?  He’ll block the House from doing anything that passes muster with Senate Democrats.

OBAMA:  Get him on the horn.

[Daley dials, hands phone to President]

Hey Dennis, how ya doin’?  Look, if the Boehner plan blows up in the House, we think we can get the Senate to swallow the Reid Plan.  But first we have to get it through your chamber, and as long as you don’t . . . .  Well, yes, I remember our discussion.  [sighs] Yes, I agree to your terms.  [hangs up]

DAVID PLOUFFE:  What did you just promise him, sir?

OBAMA:  On my next overseas trip, we’ll install a booster seat in Air Force One’s co-pilot chair, and he’ll pretend to fly the plane.

JARRETT:  Well, that’s not too bad.

JOE BIDEN: I hate to bring it up, Boss, but I busted my butt with the Gang of Six, and uh, you said . . . . (more…)

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg recently complained about the food trucks lining the streets of his city.

“The little [food] stand is now getting to be these enormous trucks with generators . . . and they take up parking places and they block traffic,” Wall Street Journal recorded the mayor as saying.

It’s hard to believe Mayor Bloomberg’s tiff with food trucks has anything to do with the lack of parking spaces available in New York City.  His record for new laws and regulations affecting the eating habits of his constituents precedes him—and it would come as no surprise if New York’s food trucks were his next victims.

The trucks would only add to the long list of imposed dietary guidelines Americans must now follow.

Call it the rise of the nanny state.

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[White House exercise facility]

MICHELLE:  Well, come in, people.  Geithner, Carney–get your skinny butts over here and spot for me while I press 250.  Everybody else, pull up a mat and sit so we can start.

JOE BIDEN:  Huh?  Why’s the Boss over in the corner in his PJs staring out the window?

MICHELLE:  Off the record.  He’s stressed out.  I’m running things until his therapist clears him for duty. Anybody got a problem with that?

DAVID PLOUFFE:  No Ma’m, but, uh . . . .

MICHELLE:  What happened?  Yesterday, he had to layup on the first par 5 at Burning Tree and couldn’t choose between a 6-iron and 7-iron.  Told his playing partners he wanted to sleep on it.  At dinner, a steward asked what flavor parfait he preferred for dessert.  Midnight, he was still muttering, “I like the strawberry, but the peach appeals to me, too.”

BILL DALEY:  Deteriorating decision-making skills.  It’s worse than when I came on board.  Hell, CIA knew where bin Laden was hiding since mid-2009.   The President couldn’t pull the trigger.  I had to use his autopen to sign the order okaying the Seal operation on Osama’s compound.

MICHELLE:  Hmmph.  Didn’t have a problem deciding on those chili dogs and stepping on my nutrition message the other day. (more…)

The USDA is once again inserting itself underneath the Constitutional sneeze-guard of the Tenth Amendment. In a publicity rich media event, Michelle Obama and the USDA introduced a new dietary guideline graphic: an illustration of a plate, divided into four basic food groups. It’s a replacement for the Food Pyramid; which was a replacement for the original USDA nutritional guidelines called: “the four basic food groups” (illustrated with a pie chart).

Also, to give the new guidelines a youthful appeal, it has been named MyPlate, an obvious reference to the hip new website: MySpace, which was abandoned by everyone hip, about five years ago; and is now populated by pathetic unknown bands, and creepy old pedophiles, soliciting cops posing as teenagers. (Perhaps the original title from the contemporarily-challenged USDA was “You’ve Got Meals.”) I imagine in ten years or so, the USDA will announce their new guidelines, called Platebook.

This reversion cost the taxpayers only two million dollars, just a little more than the original Food Pyramid which has been around since 1992, and cost the taxpayers 1.4 million inflation-adjusted dollars. The USDA has been telling Americans what they should be eating since 1923 when the Bureau of Home Economics established the 12 basic food groups at the height of the Prohibition Era, when obesity was a luxury.

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From the Associated Press:

President Obama and the first lady boarded Air Force One at Andrews Air Force Base late Sunday to begin a six-day trip to Europe. Their first stop is Ireland, and the president will also meet with leaders in Britain, France and Poland.

Convicted fraudster Robert Creamer, husband of Representative Jan Schakowsky (D-IL), has announced that he is opening a nationwide political consulting firm, Democracy Partners.

Democracy Partners already “has offices in eight cities including Washington, D.C., Chicago, Minneapolis, Las Vegas, Miami, San Francisco, San Diego, and Portland, Maine”–and, presumably, a budget running into many millions of dollars.

Schakowsky & Creamer at the White House, November 2009

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Who wants the government to tell our kids what they should eat?  Not me.  Regrettably, since The First Lady has no purpose other than pet causes, government is needlessly perpetuating its involvement in an area that lies outside its purview.

Michelle Obama’s cause?  Childhood obesity.  It’s a serious issue, to be sure.  So is obesity in general in this country.  Yet against all rules of logic, last year Congress passed the feel-good-sounding Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010.  All this bill actually does is extend the federal Child Nutrition standards that have been around for decades – the same standards that may partially be a cause for childhood obesity (as the White House press release reminds us how many children’s meals are taken at school).

The solution, of course, does not lie with government, but with common sense. The government “solution” is to ramble on about food pyramids and dietary guidelines.

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When First Lady Michelle Obama held a press conference last January to announce a collaboration between Walmart’s new “Nutritional Charter” and her “Let’s Move” Campaign, she was heralding more than just an alliance with the world’s largest retailer and grocer.

Walmart’s Nutritional Charter pledges to reduce sodium, sugar and trans fats in products, create “healthier product” labels, and drop prices on healthier foods, fruits and vegetables –even though lower costs in the grocery department are likely to be balanced with increases elsewhere.

Although Walmart and conservatives used share principles and be friends, this event publicly confirmed the company’s leftward shift.

After experiencing shakedowns by liberal activists, Walmart believed concessions might silence the din.  But instead of a few capitulations, the left now controls Walmart, leaving conservative support in its battles – including unionization – in shards on the floor.

Walmart’s lurch left was an orchestrated, strategic change led to a great extent by the man standing on the dais with Michelle Obama – long time Democrat strategist and liberal environmental operative Leslie Dach.

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When Batton Lash and I decided to take on the Obama Administration with our strip 16 months ago, few people were willing to mock the president. Yet we both saw that this president was at times foolish, mendacious, clueless and vain. Perfect fodder for a political cartoon.

Batton and I are not so much conservatives as libertarians. We’re believers in small government because, as I outline in my political thesis, it’s the only workable form. President Obama is very much a big government fan. He has tripled the debt and deficits in his first year in office. His new budget would add another three trillion. These are things we don’t like about him. We also don’t like the lies. Which seem to be second nature to the man.

So last Sunday we turned in what we thought was a very mild cartoon mocking the first lady’s over reach of her powers. And I decided to show her eating hamburgers like Wimpy from the old Popeye cartoons to mock the fact that she tends to scold other people’s eating habits, yet every time we read about what they’re eating at the White House, it’s extreme. And to throw in a gag we used before, the President is shown eating hardly anything.

The cartoon did not get a lot of comments at first. I figured it was rather mild. I would try to be funnier next time. Little did I expect the firestorm that followed a few days later.

The propaganda wing of the Democrat party known as Media Matters for America, who is out to destroy all critics of this administration, ran an article saying the cartoon attacked the first lady’s weight and gave out our emails, encouraging people to send us hate mail. Like pigs to the trough the mainstream press jumped on the story. Yesterday morning I got up and saw it mentioned on several websites like Salon. The NY Daily News wanted to interview us. And it was on the local TV news. We started getting inundated with hate mail. But the worst was yet to come.

The Daily News article came out and basically said we were mocking her weight, which wasn’t true at all. We posted our full response on the Big Sites and my blog. Most of the emails and comments we received during the day were about us allegedly mocking her weight. And I had to set people straight over and over again. Some of them accused us of racism. Which is just the left’s way of telling you to shut up. One e-mailer suggested our cartoon was going to inspire teen suicides because we were supposedly mocking body issues.

But then they died down. As evening came, I got a message that MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell was taking us to task, calling us mentally disturbed racists. He showed our pictures. He gave out where we lived. Told people to go after us. Even mentioned Batton’s wife who had nothing to do with the cartoon.

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There’s something curiously missing from this story on Chicago’s Mantu Dance Company. It may be the only time the company has made big news without a mention of Barack and Michelle Obama in years.

One can only imagine the headlines were it so closely linked to a Republican President.

Illinois officials are taking a closer look at a nonprofit dance company that was awarded a $4.5 million state grant in 2003 for a planned performing arts center on the South Side that has yet to begin construction.

Illinois Department of Commerce and Economic Opportunity spokeswoman Marcelyn Love, whose department hands out millions in grant money every year to arts and culture organizations, said the Muntu Dance Theater Co. of Chicago will be placed on “strict oversight” as they move forward with long-delayed plansto build an arts center at 47th Street and Greenwood Avenue in the city’s Kenwood neighborhood.

At issue is a 6 million dollar, if not more, vacant lot in Chicago.

A circular concrete barrier behind a tattered chain-link fence at the corner of 47th Street and Greenwood Avenue in the Kenwood neighborhood is all there is to show for once-ambitious plans to remake a struggling business corridor into a hub for African-American arts and culture.

Eight years ago, the nonprofit Muntu Dance Theatre secured more than $6 million in city and state grants, rights to the two-acre property for $1, and cash donations from the likes of ComEd and Boeing to build a $15 million performing arts center.

At the time, the project came with the blessings of local leaderswho hoped to not only turn around the fortunes of an area littered with liquor stores and boarded-up buildings, but help restore a piece of Bronzeville’s historic luster.

It’s interesting to note that Michelle Obama appears to now have enough time to plan school lunches for every child in America, yet, despite sitting on Mantu’s board for years didn’t seem to be able to find time to provide the least bit of oversight that may have prevented this problem. And that’s not all.

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Remember your high school year book that the popular kids were the editors of and made their friends the top of every list and highlighted pictures of them on what seemed like every page?

They apparently are now the editors at Forbes Magazine.

Yes, Forbes Magazine has released its list of the “100 Most Powerful Women in the World”, and from the get-go of the article it starts defending itself in saying that the standards are changing.

Obviously.

Number one on the list? First Lady Michelle Obama.

Forbes gives a biography listing why they feel she is powerful. It states that she has a fitness program for kids and that she is a style icon. Oh, and 54% of people like her according to a poll.

That is all it takes now to be considered the most powerful woman in the world? I am going to J. Crew right now and opening a store credit line.

If she were not the President’s wife, she would not be on the list. Period.

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