Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude People
by Nick Gillespie“I don’t like regulations,” says Amy Alkon, a syndicated advice columnist who blogs daily at AdviceGoddess.com. “I like to shame people into behaving better.”
Reason.tv’s Ted Balaker sat down with Alkon to discuss her new book, I See Rude People: One woman’s battle to beat some manners into impolite society. Alkon explains how she and others mix chutzpah with technology to fight back against the insane drivers, coffee-house yackers, and subway perverts who make our lives miserable.
Interview by Ted Balaker. Shot by Alex Manning and Paul Detrick. Edited by Alex Manning. Music: “I Think I Started a Trend,” by Brad Sucks (Magnatune Records).
Just under 10 minutes. Scroll down for embed code and downloadable versions.
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85 Comments
Amy Alkon is really annoying. Should I be reimbursed for my now throbbing head? She's just as much of a manipulative control freak as many Libs I know. Some might say that her approach to punishing perceived 'rudeness' is quite rude itself and, in some instances, flirts with libel. Now, if she's only targeting pervs who hurt people, more power to her.
Bombs away!
Being polite for 20 years has given us what Ms. Alkon? Take your noise and flush it.
Until we see some real change in November rest assured you will see nothing but sledgehammers. Songs and poetry? When the dust settles sure.
William Peterson's character in Manhunter had to morph into the mind of Hannibal to understand how to defeat the serial killer. And we are morphing into the mind of Rahm Emanuel and the Banksters to defeat the serial killers.
And you are suggesting we take on Rahm by being polite? Go fly a kite!!!!!
Wow, this woman is great. The idea of billing telemarketers for wasting your free time, at dinner, reading a book, etc is priceless!
Shame the left into growing up. What a concept. If we can't shame them into growing up and acting polite, maybe we can create enough noise to make them reconsider, or at least think about the detrimental effects of what they do to those around them.
I love the idea of "shaming" people into better behavior. If you can't remain a polite member of society, someone ought to call you out on it. Now I just hope I don't find any of MY cell phone conversation plastered on the internet…
~Trish
Some might say that her approach to punishing perceived 'rudeness' is quite rude itself and, in some instances, flirts with libel. Now, if she's only targeting pervs who hurt people, more power to her.
I've been polite with the libtards for long enough.
I wouldn't go as far as this lady with her desire to get rid of laws, but I definitely like her idea of shaming people who act inappropriately. In the "old days" we didn't have so many out of wedlock births due to the shame that would be cast upon them.
I think her idea could be be expanded to go beyond the usual rude talker in the movie theater scenario. What if we started listing people who scammed the system for food stamps and other subsidies? Yes some people need them as a helping hand on occasion, but what about the people who make government handouts a lifestyle that they not only use for themselves, but pass on through generations in their family. I've read many posts here where hard working people struggle and cut down on costs only to see some welfare thief stuff their shopping cart with hundreds of dollars worth of meat and other high-end food the rest of us can't afford. How about You Tube videos of these people at the checkout counter then handing over their food stamps to pay for it!
That being said…the reason I left LA is because of what you write about.
In Hawaii we use words like pono and aloha. God willing – after this civil war or cold war – we all get some more of what we still have here.
Aloha.
I think her point is to deal with the problems yourself, in your own way, and not create laws to "ban specific societal behaviors". In that regard, her concept is far more agreeable than if you look at it as simply 'being polite'. The main point is, SHE'S actually doing something about the problem. How many of us deal with the same rude behaviors in our day to day lives, yet shrug it off? If you're not willing to push back, then all is lost, and we'll all just sit here in fromt of our computers, complaining about how much the current situation sucks.
The worst crime of all is when good people sit on their hands and do nothing about the degradation of the very society they live in.
While some may not like her approach, you can't ignore the fact that she's standing up for ideals, instead of being an armchair patriot.
Right on, my brother! I wanted to reach through my monitor and beat the living hell out of her for some reason not immediately identifiable to me. Then you put your finger right on it. She's a manipulative harpy. I find that extremely agitating. She'll play it "cute" once too often and someone will end up throwing her the beating of a life time. People like that always end up taking it a couple of steps too far eventually. If it wasn't for being a woman, my guess is she would already have received her beat down by now.
Here's the problem with this approach in a nut shell. All manner of "impolite" behaviors are lumped together and treated as morally equivalent. Then a single treatment is prescribed for all instances. One size never "fits all", and it never did. What ever happened to "Live and Let Live"? What ever happened to taking the high road? I do it every time I refrain from beating the crap out of some self-righteous like you, "Advice Goddess". "Advice Goddess"…well, we don't have any self-esteem issues, do we? This is just another case of the pot calling the kettle black.
Granted. There are times when rude behavior needs to be addressed, but the last thing we need is an army of self-righteous, "ME NOW Generation" ninnies going vigilante on us in the middle of a political upheaval. The whole thing smacks of political correctness…and I do not hold with that.
Now…let the crap storm begin!
I've got your "polite" right here biatch …..
Quite right, friend. Quite right, indeed!
I think she's pretty rude.
It's hard to be polite for those who want your freedom taken away. No more Mr. Nice Guy here!
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I faith, i can give somebody the job of lot’s of just starting out supporter at this point.
Remember a few years back, there was this lanky, skanky gal hanging around Madonna? I forget her name, but that was her only claim to fame. She was in the Hang Around Club. She thought she was funny, and tried to get alot of press. This red headed wench has about the same appeal.
Armchair Patriot?
More like some enterprising Yenta, making money off her schtick.
Wow… seems like quite a few people here don't want anyone else telling them they're not the center of the universe.
It sounds like part of her issue is she lives in New York. Which frankly, rivals Paris on the rudeness factor. Hearing some moron shout into his equally moronic cell phone is never pleasant. There used to be a column awhile back on Fox talking about this sort of thing and I think he labeled rude people correctly as: oblivions. They are so self-absorbed they are oblivious to anything except themselves.
Personally I find Alkon a bit crusty, but I can understand her point. It is nice to see at least someone stand up and basically say: "Hey, rude morons! The world doesn't revolve around YOU!" I like the sentiment if not always the delivery.
A little history, is all we need to remember where we came from, and who we are as a nation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzYl48V0HTM
Rather surprising to me actually. I can understand not going for Alkon's approach but there is no doubt society is full of rude idiots. Though as always, it really depends on where you are. Picking New York city is probably not a good sample of the rest of the country in terms of rudeness.
She may be annoying in her delivery, but her point: that we have replaced the concept of "socially acceptable behavior," (and the consequences that follow from ignoring it) with the idea that EVERYTHING needs to be legislated is a good one! Rudeness is a problem that has been leading to ridiculous "regulation" in an attempt to compensate for the fact that society has become narcissistic.
Simple things, like "people won't like you if you do that" (one of my mother's favorite lines) could go a long way!
Some people just don't know that the world doesn't revolve around them and confronting them just stirs up a hornet's nest or falls on deaf ears. Although I would love to use Alkon's delivery on Obama in public in a townhall meeting.
I could only get to 2:14, she's too annoying, her voice grates.
Do we still call them Man-ners? I would have thought that by now they would be called Personners, even though the word "person" is doubly masculine – per from pere, father; and son is obvious. A person is a father's son.
Learning manners is basically brainwashing. If you ain't gotem, you'll never havem.
Remember the most important mannerism: "You can pick your friends, and you can pick you nose, but you should not pick your friend's nose. Present administration exempted from this one.
Teaching manners is like teaching people how to think. Once I had a VHS tape that said, "Play tape for directions on playing tape." Like a book that teaches one to read.
This gurl is unwatchable. Notice no one exposed themseves to her; that was some other person she was blathering about. ugh!
I like Amy, but I think her primary issue is she maybe thinks she is the center of the universe and is clearly in need of attention. Which is OK, just who she is. Takes all kinds to make the world.
She offers some good tips, but I would think if she was serious about avoiding rudeness , she would just move out of the rude capital of the world, NYC. Problem solved.
Bingo. I just wrote that before I saw your post, was the first thought in my head. If one wants to avoid rude people one doesn't move to the worlds capital of rudeness, NYC. She does offer some universal tips and imparts an attitude that you don't have to take it which is good to know when dealing with liberal rudesters.
I'm starting my book now.
Take home Message from this woman — you don't have to take it…. .. you can move out of New York.
.
Actually, she lives in Santa Monica, California.
Didn't you have to click a link to hear her opinion?
I'm lucky to live Hawaii too, but you have to admit, there's an awful lot of rudeness here. What shocked me when I moved here so long ago, and still does, is the ultimate rude/disgusting habit of spitting, which so many people here seem to do! I can't get over this one.
[...] post: » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude … This little piggy got schooled on manners « – College Media …Manners for Modern [...]
New York City is actually a very polite place, primarily because it is also a place where personal space is very important. Most people have no desire to have anyone else in their business and they return that, keeping themselves out of other people's business unless asked. When asked though, most New Yorkers are more than happy to stop a moment and give out directions.
Don't believe the hype, NYC is a great place.
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Amy Alkon?
Her schtick sure doesn't do anything for me. She ought to a job as a waitress,or marry a nice young Rabbi.
This idiot gadfly just wasted 9:47 of my time with her rubbish opinion.
I will be invoicing her for $10,000.
Sorry, I've been to New York too many times. It -does- rival Paris in rudeness.
I must have got New York from wiki or something. Figures, more proof (as if I needed it) not to trust it. Anyway, LA isn't much better on the rudeness factor. But at least New York is attractive in a sort of sky scraper way. LA? Basically one of the biggest pits of hell on the planet. Not that I hate it or anything.
And I've lived here all my life, and never found people in other places to be any nicer.
In fact I usual find that people have an attitude about NYC, and then are shocked when they get it thrown back at them.
I'm glad you live in a section that is more polite but I'm afraid my experiences have been anything but pleasant. People shove, push, curse and do any other number of lovely impolite things that in other parts of the world would be… heh… unhealthy.
Case in point, I was walking not far my hotel on my last visit and noticed there was a woman about my age trying to carry a bunch of bags. She dropped one. I happened to be close by so I stopped to help her. Some piece of literal filth walked by and called her a name for dropping it. Yeah. Nice.
I could continue with additional examples here, but there really isn't a point. It's a rude city. Ignoring that fact doesn't make it go away. My feeling is that it is the hectic pace that more or less dehumanizes people. But that's just my take.
Now, I'm sure there's sections where people are nice as there tend to be even in terrible places… like Paris. (Only I've yet to find the one in Paris. If anyone has found it, let me know!)
And I had someone step over me while I was fumbling with some dropped packing boxes while going in through a heavy door in a heavy wind.
Conversely I have seen people having serious trouble, and there will be half a dozen people offering help, discussing waiting for an ambulance, or otherwise helping out.
One jerk does not a rude community make.
The thing is, NYC is a community of 8 million, with another few million commuting in, a lot of whom are high quality jerks, coming from New Jersey, Long Island, and Connecticut. That is going to increase your random chance of encountering one significantly.
Also there is the working factor. A lot of people you meet on the street are people doing there job who simply does not have the time to stop and help. It is not dehumanizing to need to keep your job, even when someone needs help with their groceries.
I have tried more than a few times to see what other folks see in Amy Alkon but it just doesn't click with me.
I prefer the hatpin approach, myself.
Barring that, give me Miss Manners for sheer delight, wit and wisdom. Truth is timelessly beautiful and wields an eviscerating edge against the trollish troglodytes. Miss Manners raises the bar so high that the uninitiated are either drawn to it or completely powerless against it.
You can't beat manners into people. The best you can do is beat the rudeness out of them and replace it with quiet submission.
"And I had someone step over me while I was fumbling with some dropped packing boxes while going in through a heavy door in a heavy wind…."
Well, you kinda just proved my point for me.
That's what I'm talking about. I get rude occurences like that -every single visit-. No it doesn't mean everyone in the city is a rude dork. (Well, maybe just a million of them are…. 
) But it does show that there is a general level of neglect of common decency. New York of course isn't at all the -only- city where this occurs. It's a general problem across the country I think. But…. New York has a bit more than usual. 
An armed society is a polite society. 'Nuff said.
As I pointed out, NYC also has a lot more people.
The more people you encounter in a day, the greater the chance you have to meet one of the annoying ones.
That you overlook the thousands and thousands of decent people you encountered shows that you saw only what you expected to see. Go anywhere looking for rudeness and you will inevitably find it.
Oh, and all those decent people shows just that the rude ones are not in fact the general level of common decency in NYC.
No it isn't.
Polite societies are polite societies.
Obnoxious societies are obnoxious societies
Polite people are polite whether they are armed or not.
Obnoxious people who are armed are either bullies expecting to get away with anything because they have a weapon to threaten bystanders with that the decent people will not casually endanger, or they are two bit punks who behave only because they fear imminent violence from their erstwhile victims whom they will turn on like rabid rats the moment they think they can get away with it.
If people are only polite to you because you have a gun, or you are only polite to them because they have a gun, it is not civility but fear. If that extends to the whole society then it is a fearful society, not a polite one.
It seems Alkon actually lives in Santa Monica anyway. (I could go on and on about how much worse LA is than NYC.) All those "nice" people you mentioned that ignore everything else are part of the issue. It's the pace that does it. There's a very similar issue in LA and Southern California in general. People are too rushed to stop and see the flowers let alone be bothered with things like decency. Not taking the time to counteract a rude person is the same as acquiescing to it. If all those people were so nice, they wouldn't put up with it. But they do, because they're all too busy.
They do not ignore everything else, they mind their own business, something most people appreciate.
As for dealing with rude people, perhaps you think NYers have some obligation to correct others on your behalf. Again, not having such obligations is something most people appreciate.
In fact, that seems to be the source of your problem with NYC. Much like Alkon, you feel entitled to tell people how to behave. Now that is mighty liberal of you, but on behalf of NYC, no thank you. Do feel free to correct your own behavior all you like, but kindly keep your nose out of our business, and your insults, which are quite rude by the way, to yourself.
I'm always armed – with an open and active mind. It's obvious that you come unarmed to the battle of wits. Or in the vernacular of "The Untouchables", you're the one that brings a knife to a gunfight. However, feel free to take the narrow-minded and obnoxious Handgun Control, Inc. party line, or the gentle liberal cop-out.
[...] » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude … [...]
Ah, so you are the kind of person who is only polite because he fears others, and expects others to be polite to him out of fear of the violence he can unleash.
In other words, a two bit punk, just like Mao, who believed that power flows from the barrel of a gun.
As for being "armed" in a battle of wits, you come with a weak and false cliche from a science fiction book paired with an old comic book quip and you think that makes you clever?
There is no cop out in what I wrote, merely an expression of personal responsibility. You however forsake that and embrace making some weapon responsible for how people act. How does that go, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people"? Well, apparently not for you. In your world guns are in charge, telling people how to behave, when to speak, when to be silent, and inevitably when to kill, making you posting proof of why not everyone can be trusted with a weapon, whether it be a handgun or a keyboard.
Again, civil people are civil, obnoxious people are obnoxious. Weapons are never responsible for changing one to the other.
What a bitter, hysterical person you must be! My initial post was a sentiment echoed by all of my fellow NRA members. Then you go off the deep end, basically accusing gun owners of being obnoxious bullies and punks. Wow, I didn't realize that guns pushed your button that hard – or I and so many others that post here would have pushed it before. Don't like guns? Fine, don't own one or if you do, don't carry one. Something tells me that you don't own one and wouldn't think of owning one. I will, but I'm not the kind of person to threaten someone with bodily harm with it. I only own one – and carry one – as a last resort to save my life. Or even your life, if I observed it to be threatened. Sounds like you'd stand silently by, cowlike, if another person's life was threatened in your presence. Or, you might sanctimoniously dial 911 and thereby justify your cowardice. One final point – don't equate gun ownership and the carrying one with bad behavior, or even being obnoxious or a punk. That's flawed logic and reasoning – more like hysteria or a phobia.
I thinks she wants to be the center of attention every bit as much as the load cell phone talker. Plus, anyone who gives advice for a living needs to find a real job.
Maybe Amy Alkon shoud start with her own blog where she routinely is, dare I use the expression, rude to people who even slightly disagree with her.
[...] » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude People – Big Governme… [...]
[...] » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude … [...]
I'll never forget an article I read by Judith Martin ("Miss Manners") many years ago. I suspect it will be relevant far into the future. What struck me was the idea that if manners disappear, clamor for laws against rude behavior will increase — leading to a totalism. It's actually fairly frightening when you can see the mechanisms at work everywhere.
http://www.firstthings.com/article/2008/08/003-th...
Read the whole thing.
Amy's value is in encouraging people to be direct instead of sniveling off to someone to complain about the need for a municipal statute or somesuch.
"What ever happened to "Live and Let Live"? What ever happened to taking the high road? "
That's fine in small doses but too often people who are impolite take advantage of polite people, and peoples collective tolerance rewards the transgressors. You have the right to take the high road all you want. Why don't you take the high road and stop complaining about those who complain?.
I'm very amused by those who call Amy annoying among other not necessary to repeat approaching rudeness in themselves adjectives. It's been said already but those who deem themselves the center of the Universe seem to be the most peeved at her directly addressing rude behavior. Does "taking the high road" mean you're above mentioning to someone else that what they are doing is rude? Like she said, treat everyone as a friend rather than as a stranger. You would be honest and tell a friend that they were being rude, wouldn't you? And NO, we do not need more legislation. We just need the militia to enforce polite behavior. Shaming isn't such a bad thing….
No, I said you are an obnoxious punk.
I said nothing about gun owners in general. Indeed I have several friends who are gun owners, and to a person they are quite decent people who realize that civility comes from personal integrity and not from fear of or from armed individuals.
Just because you are and others you presume to speak for are too short-sighted to see the flaws inherent in a particular aphorism is no flaw on my part, only a simplistic reflex on yours. Grow up and accept responsibility for being a polite person on your own, without needing to resort to your phallic security blanket.
[...] » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude … [...]
Saudi Arabia has a behavioral police department.
A province in Indonesia just introduced one.
I would much rather put up with the occasional obnoxious jerk, shouting vulgarities into his cellphone on a crowded subway train than deal with the consequences of armed men wandering the streets, ordering people to be nice at gun point.
And if you want to shame me for being rude for having that preference, well . . . I consider that a Good Thing (TM).
That's quite a logic leap to take when you don't know one thing about me. And it's a dangerous leap to take when you obviously have no logic or common sense. To ensure that you can understand without using big words you may not understand – I don't need a gun to be polite. I'm one of the politest people you would ever meet and I rarely carry a gun. I only carry one when I suspect I might be going into an unsavory area – like the Bronx. And I won't resort to name-calling – it just amuses me that you do, but it's far more entertaining to listen to you spew than to respond in kind. Have a nice day, and I mean that in the truest New York City way.
[...] » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude … [...]
ROFLMAO!
But you can make logic leaps when you know nothing about me?
And you say it is dangerous? Threatening me with your big bad internet gun now? The gun you only carry when you need courage?
As for the Bronx, you obviously know as little about the Bronx as you know about me, or about being polite, which means you are incapable of wishing anyone a nice in the NYC way, or any way.
I think you're referring to Sandra Bernhard, Queen of Skanks. She's also the lovely soul who said something about getting some of her brotha friends to rape Sarah Palin if she came to Manhattan.
Exactly!
Thanks man. That was exactly who I was thinking of. She sho' 'nuff was a skanky, dirty looking, foul mouthed biatch.
You are the gift that keeps on giving. Thanks for continuing to brighten my day. You have to be some kind of a hysterical gun-phobic liberal that sees threats under their bed. No way did or would I threaten you – you're not worth it. I said that the Bronx were dangerous – you just sound pathetic and whiny. And I know the Bronx well. My former USAR unit had its headquarters in the Bronx until they moved it to Staten Island. The guys that were stationed there said that every year they found two or three dead bodies outside and sometimes inside their fence-line. Some were murder victims, others were bums that just died of exposure or too much alcohol/drugs. That and what I've read about the Bronx are on what I base my opinions. And I don't need a gun to give me courage – it is just the last resort when there aren't any other options. So if you don't like my "have a nice day", then a nice Bronx cheer to you. And I can thumb you down every time you thumb me down, so if you want to continue that particular exercise in futility, feel free to do so.
Too cowardly to visit the Bronx without your security blanket and you think you the place because of stories you heard and read. *snicker* Do you fear for your virginity when you hear about the Village as well?
You would have to work your way up to merely being pathetic and whiny.
Again, you are a prime example of why being armed can never a make person polite if they are an obnoxious thug at heart. All it can do is scare them into behaving, while letting them enjoy the delusion that others are being respectful of them and not their gun.
Whoa … Marilyn Manson's really let himself go lately.
Excellent person. A society of people like her would be much better than what we have today. Shame and shunning are way underappreciated at this juncture. If you don't want to be told you're a jerk, don't be a jerk.
Sadly, you are a hopeless case. You aren't Rosie O'Donnell, are you? You sure sound like her. I'm secure in the measure of my own courage and don't have to explain or justify myself to you. Suffice it to say that I protected you for 32 years in spite of your hate and vitriol. As a matter of fact, knowing that people like you existed was just one more incentive for me to continue in my career choice. If you think that your tone is anything other than nasty and hateful, I can only say I'm sorry for the people that are forced to deal with you, including your family. You sound like you'd be the guy that turned up his radio to drown out the screams of Kitty Genovese when she was stabbed, raped and killed. So feel free to bar your windows and doors and cower in a hoplophobic ague under your bed in fear of the boogeyman. You never know, it might have a Saturday Night Special.
You aren't going to get a rise out of me – you can't – you've sunk to troll status and you're not worth the effort in responding any more. Have a nice day.
[...] Read more: » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude … [...]
Now you need to appeal to some alleged patriotism on your part to justify your obnoxious cowardice?
Wow. You will just keeping digging yourself deeper.
[...] » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude … [...]
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[...] » Reason.tv: Advice Goddess Amy Alkon on Beating Manners Into Rude People – Big Governme… [...]
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