How Many Justice Lawyers Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
by Josie WalesEveryone has their favorite lawyer joke. Most end up rather poorly for the lawyers.
I understand the public outcry against lawyers, recently stoked by the situation at the Department of Justice (DOJ). For those not familiar with this news, Attorney General (AG) Eric Holder is in a pitched battle with members of the Senate over the backgrounds of nine attorneys working at DOJ. Apparently, each of those attorneys have either represented or advocated for terrorist detainees. Two have been identified: Principal Deputy Solicitor General Neal Katyal was lead counsel for Guantanamo detainees in the Supreme Court case Hamdan v. Rumsfeld; Jennifer Daskal advocated for Guantanamo detainees with Human Rights Watch (HRW).

A little background on their background:
Hamdan focused on the Combatant Status Review Tribunals (CSRTs) established under Executive Order by former President George W. Bush in 2001. CSRT determination was crucial to understanding detainee rights under the Geneva Conventions (adopted by the US), which grant specific rights to lawful enemy combatants (see Article 4) and are silent in regards to unlawful enemy combatants (see Article 5). CSRTs were a form of military commission. The main problem the Supreme Court had with CSRTs is that they were not “regularly constituted courts” under the Geneva Convention because our Constitution grants Congress the power of establishing courts. So Congress passed the Military Commissions Act, which was partially struck down by the Supreme Court in Boumediene v. Bush (but that is a story for another day).
HRW is “dedicated to protecting the human rights of people around the world.” It sounds nice, but the group admits to “targeted advocacy.” Started in 1978, HRW focused on the atrocities committed by the Evil Empire of the Soviet Union. When the Evil Empire collapsed in 1991, HRW decided to shift its main attention to the “Evil Republic” of the US. I suppose HRW decided it could not fire the vast amount of people needed to identify atrocities committed by the Evil Empire, and there was only one major power left. I also gather that it is a little easier to address “atrocities” committed by the US, as opposed to atrocities committed by China or Russia.
AG Holder refuses to identify the remaining seven lawyers, and in fact, there may be more lawyers with similar backgrounds.
Now we get to the point where you may initially disagree. While AG Holder should identify the remaining seven attorneys (promises of transparency notwithstanding) this should not turn into a witch-hunt. Some attorneys have an agenda in targeting certain clients and cases, but most attorneys simply practice their profession. Lawyers get a bad rap because you often hear about the bad ones. I am guilty of this, and sparked some expected backlash against lawyers, in general. What you have to remember is that there is ALWAYS a lawyer on the other side, and it is a lawyer’s duty to represent his client to the fullest extent of the law. And sometimes you have no control over who your client is.
John Yoo comes to mind. Mr. Yoo was recently vindicated from allegations of professional misconduct for legal opinions pertaining to enhanced interrogation techniques, among others, during his tenure at DOJ under former President George W. Bush. In fact, the DOJ attorneys accusing Mr. Yoo are probably deserving of allegations of professional misconduct. The controversy over his opinions centers on one addressing a principle of international law called jus cogens. These are peremptory norms in international law from which states may not derogate. Not necessarily contained in any treaties adopted by the US, it is a list of international no-no’s. Piracy was one of the first, followed by slavery, genocide and torture. The problem with these principles is that they are not clearly defined under international law, but are really only understood through practice and state (national) law. Keeping this in mind, Mr. Yoo was asked to outline the limits of Executive authority to interrogate detainees within the confines of US law, including treaties adopted by the US.
The point is that Mr. Yoo had a client who wanted a result. His job, as an attorney, was to satisfy his client to the extent the law would allow him, and our common law system allows for a lot of leeway when laws are not directly on point. We do not have to agree with his opinion, but that should not necessarily extend to the man. Understanding this, I can fathom why AG Holder is stone-walling. Communications between DOJ attorneys should be as protected as communications between any other Executive branch officials, assuming nothing on par with Nixon is occurring. However, AG Holder should not be allowed to withhold the identities of those attorneys. The public should be able to weigh in on the decisions of any president’s administration, especially when the officials at issue are not subject to confirmation by the Senate. This sort of conduct by the AG only heightens the public sense that something nefarious may be afoot. Transparency would limit that affect.
So as I stated earlier, I understand the public outcry against lawyers, but lawyers are people, too. They have families, work obscene hours, span the political spectrum, and a lot of them feel the pressures of the present state of the economy. Perhaps these DOJ attorneys should be subjected to scrutiny by the Senate but let us not jump to conclusions. At this point, the only bad actor is AG Holder, and he should not be representative of the entire legal profession.






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Just for fun, I have been getting on Obama's website for talk radio and claiming I was able to get on with the host but that I agreed with them that the healthcare policy is sheer idiocy and that I also hope Obama fails. Here is the link if you want to have fun with it.
http://radio.barackobama.com/
What do you call a bus full of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!!!!
How many?
It depends. How much money ya got?
Another day of me sitting here with my jaw on the floor. I cannot believe that these incompetent boobs playing high school government seriously think that the American people are going to sit still for this.
Why should I be worried about attacks from terrorists who come from abroad?
They backed off Mr. Yoo, because they were gonna get a public legal paddling…in fact it’s a tiny indicator of brain matter on the part of AG Holder…just a tiny bit.
This shouldn’t surprise anyone! This is what was elected in ‘08, eggheaded professorial dweebs whose leftist ideology uses moral relativism is their guiding legal principle.
Josie! You didn't tell us how many lawyers it takes to screw in a light bulb!
On a side note – What do you have if you have a bunch of lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand!
I would think we should be told their names as they are not CIA members working under cover, but if a case could be made that it could put them and their family's in harms way then maybe not..
I have a problem with HRW as they have an agenda and the lawyers working for them MUST have the same agenda or they would be dumped by the group..
BTW how could the SCOTUS rule on the Military Commissions Act when the people it went after were not American Citizens subject to the rights of the US ???
My God how far we have fallen as a Nation !!!!
Mr. Yoo was 100% correct, not just as an advocate, but as a judge. The Geneva Conventions specifically exclude "unlawful combatants" aka terrorists, from their protections. The intent of the conventions is to induce both sides to follow the rules. To do this, the first one to break those rules releases the other side from any obligations to break the rules. The idea that "We follow a higher ideal" simply feeds the neurotic fantasies of the mentally ill-equipped. The idea of somehow punishing Yoo for his correct legal opinion just shows how deeply totalitarian Holder & Friends are.
Note how insidious is the treachery of this Obama. He has managed to infect and corrupt virtually every office on Capital Hill, not only by the criminals he appoints to key positions there but just by his presence and proximity to those offices. Now, like a cancer, his crookedness has spread to the DOJ.
What more must he corrupt before everyone in this country finally recognizes him for the villain he is?
Who do ya call when you get pulled over in your nice BMW in a not nice neighborhood in Los Angeles, and the police arrest you on the suspicion of dealing drugs? Do you call your mother, your wife, your doctor? No – you call a lawyer. It’s funny how everybody hates lawyers until you need one.
Sarah Palin. Just wanted to infuriate any trolls.
I'm married to one.
How many? A bus full
It depends. How much money ya got? I don't need money to tell a joke sweetie..
How many Obama Justice Department attorneys does it take to pull his head out of his rear end?
That reminds me of "Frau Blucher" from Young Frankenstein. A classic Marty Feldman line.
Do they have to Mirandize him first? That could be painful.
As if it wasn't hard enough to pick the worst of the worst in this rouges gallery of an administration that Obama has foisted upon America, I would have to pick Eric Holder as the bottom of the barrel. This man is a menace to the nation and the fact that he occupies the head of the law enforcement branch of government is beyond a travesty. This
Obama "experiment" will go down as a very dark chapter in American history. Please, there is no pun intended here for anyone waiting to cry racist.
Remember, it's a Curley-Q bulb, so it's more difficult to install than a real bulb.
I would like to know if these liars "look" like America. Are most of them Christian? If not, why not?
What is sad about a bus load of lawyers going off a cliff?
Two empty seats.
Better get a Lawyer…………………………….8>)
Pollution!
Everybody's lawyer sucks except mine.
lol…careful theres a troll at the top of the page attacking lawyer jokes. I wish a could get a "lawyer" joke of the day!!!
Well, all I know is that George Washington warned when we let Lawyers be elected to politics and run the entire shebang that they would legislate all kinds of laws to favor themselves and their cronies.Pretty insightful, I'd say.
Oh yeah, he also said when we do let Lawyers run the country's affairs that it would be the end of our Republic as we know it.Just sayin'. ;^) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
That was fun thank you! Come on people flood this site with Conservatism!
Are you a lawyer? Just askin'. ;^) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
Too many , his ears keeping getting caught on the inside of his sphincter ring!
If the proggies and their lap dog lawyers have their way you'll need a lawyer to represent you at the grocery store!
The threshold for candidates for these positions is low at this WH. ALso it seems likely that the vetters are not qualified themselves. Take for instance POTUS – his qualifications to lead is limited to delivering one-liners! Otherwise he exposes himself as a Chicago style politician – no qualifications other than thug behavior right out of Alinksy's manifesto – just ask MSNBC host Matthews.
Also it may well be that the qualifications they are looking for, is for these candidates to have prior experience working with and representing enemy combatants.
if we take the house or senate in nov we can get him in front of congress to expalin a few things – and we will have that live on CSPAN
The Answer is None! That’s my Union Electrician Work. But other than that, if the Lawyer is a Do-It-Yourselfer kind of guy…Then the answer is 3. One to hold the light bulb and two to spin the ladder. I need a lawyer to find a lawyer.
Low tide or high tide?
Bottom feeders!
Thats better then the way I told it I'm jealous..lol
[...] John Bresnahan wrote an interesting post today on  Here’s a quick excerpt  I understand the public outcry against lawyers, recently stoked by the situation at the Department of Justice (DOJ). For those not familiar with this news, Attorney General (AG) Eric Holder is in a pitched battle with members of the … [...]
I don’t think many of our Founding Fathers were lawyers. There had to be some, right? They really had a “handle” on the law when they created our Founding Documents.
We must question Holders judgement/motives. If he lets thugs with a billy club, in militia gear, intimidating voters, shown on video, go free…
The Swiss are good enough and bold enough to arrest Roman Polanski for us.
8 Freaking months later and we still cannot go over and get the little pervert to finish the sentence he fled from.
Now is the arrest of Polanski the most important thing in this world? NO.
However it does represent the absolute failure of the US Juctice system to do anything important in an efficient, timley , common sense, cost effective, manner, except of course the arrest, trial, and imprisonment of pot smokers which can be carried out in a short afternoon.
how many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
a simple majority need only outlaw them, not a joke they did outlaw incandescent bulbs.
how many seiu members does it take to change a light bulb?
seven!
you got a problem with that?
I'll take take the Fifth my friend.
I did it too.
I book marked the page that way I can keep them informed daily.
What's sixteen inches long and hangs in front of a prick?
A lawyer's necktie.
I'll second that!
Great! Fun way to kill a few minutes and to let Obama know that we are still out here, no matter how much he wants to ignore us.
How Many Justice Lawyers Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? by Josie Wales:
Let me guess? Three (3): obama, pilosi, and reid! But their doing the best that they can?
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer: "I'll increase
your income five-fold", said the devil, "your partners will love you,
your clients will respect you, you'll have four months of vacation each
year, and live to be a hundred.
All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your childrens' souls and
their childrens' souls rot in hell for all eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment: "What's the catch?" he asked.
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received
a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of
contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you
give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community
in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um … no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and
confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was
interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice
rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no
idea…"
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money
to them, why should I give any to you?"
Q. If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolf Hitler, Atilla the Hun and a lawyer, and have a gun with only 2 bullets, what should you do?
A. Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q. What do honest lawyers and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see one.
Q. What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A. A doberman pinscher.
Q. Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A. To practice.
Q. Why does California have the most attorneys and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A. Because New Jersey got first pick.
Ladies and gentlemen of Big Government: I rest my case…; – )
MY GOD !!!!!!!
DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE STARTED HERE?
But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty, once lost, is lost forever.
Children should be educated and instructed in the principles of freedom.
I always consider the settlement of America with reverence and wonder, as the opening of a grand scene and design in providence, for the illumination of the ignorant and the emancipation of the slavish part of mankind all over the earth.
I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. – John Adams
It depends. That will be $300.
I think you need a little further understanding of the role of lawyers. Yoo was tasked not to advocate for a client in court, which is something that is generally done after the fact, but to advise the government what was and was not proper. They are supposed to tell the client what the law is. The client here is a government office; and he failed at his job. He was not, by any stretch of the imagination, vindicated in the recent Justice Dept. inquiry; which is like saying a criminal who is convicted but gets a light sentence was vindicated – the Justice Dept. clearly found he did not do his job properly.
Lawyers representing the accused terrorists, by contrast, are representing them in court after the fact. They are not advising these people on how to conduct terror, but merely making sure they get a fair trial. There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever.
If you NEED one you are in trouble for sure.
Very good article. I do want to piont out that with all the back door secret meetings and the stupidity of decisions made by this administration as well as questionable charactor of those that Obama surrounds himself with, we need to question what is going on in the DOJ. How many lies have we seen out of this president from the time he started his campaign and to his curent presidency. He doesn't lie some might say. But his own words caught on tape do not lie. We all know what his entire administration is all about. Lets not forget that Obama said in his own words, "judge me by the people I surround myself with." We would be doing ourselves a disservice if we did not keep that in mind.
As for Holder, you can bet that he has surrounded himself with the most hardline progressives he could find. He still has an oblication to disclose those in the justice dept. They are employees of the US Gov't and there for employees of the people of the United States.
"How Many Justice Lawyers Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?"
Do lawyers screw in lightbulbs? I thought they only screwed in courtrooms and government offices.
An oldie but goodie from the 90s:
What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton.
How many DOJ lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Apparently at least nine. One to screw in the light bulb and the rest to drive the Jihadi truck through our legal system.
Yeah, ya night need one, but my big problem is how much it costs! The government should regulate that!
NO SIR!
Makes it easier to choke them…
[...] the original: » How Many Justice Lawyers Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb … « Cup of Joe: Kick It Up a Notch & Take It Offline! Hey, check it out! – Lolcats [...]
Wolfe Blitzer: How Many Light Bulbs for $300.00
For thousands of years, man used a knife, sword, spear, bow-n-arrow, and for a few hundred, a gun; but now we need an attorney.
Dad was one of the good guys — a real John Wayne, Reagan fan. He loved to kick Leftist a$$.
Growing up with a father that was a top attorney, you become quite educated as to the costs, fees and rates. For example; you spend $300 to $500 an hour and the job and answers are done in 3 hours; or you spend $150 to $200 an hour, and they tell you “I will have to do some research”, two weeks later and five phone calls at a total cost of $3,000.
Why do Lawyer keep their shirts buttoned up at the neck?…………………Hides the foreskin!
Nah, I didn't care for those I've hired for necessity.
Most of those lawyers I grew up with were educated to be lawyers, not businessmen or politicians, so I respect them for their genuine love of the law. Not so with most present day attorneys who are weaned on leftist propaganda, too, so are not particularly likable.
The difference between a dead rattlesnake and a dead lawyer in the road?
There'll be skid marks approaching the snake.
You could put 'em all on the job & they still wouldn't figure it out. Death works better under darkness.
Yes! I love being a troll for once! ;^) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
That's cool.Today he would definitely be in the minority of his profession, an honest Lawyer(I'm sure there are good Lawyers, just as there are good demonrats)! ;^) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
Mr. Wales:
You have just become a must read for me. Keep up your good (great) work.
Tort reform anyone? ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
You are Master Lawyer Jokester, Hai!! ;^) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
There might be burnout marks approaching the lawyer, as we mat it to develop full ramming speed! ;^)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
How many justice department lawyers does it take to uphold OBAMA's unprecedented Executive "GAG" Order?
You know the one Obama "made law" on his first full day in office, the one he, on behalf of himself, signed as an Executive Order of the President of the United States of America barring the release of his personal records. Never in American history has this been done by a sitting president. How many lawyers does it take to remove from all public access all records relating to Obama before January 20, 2009?
Never a dull moment in our house. I am an insurance claims representative.
Proof enough that Obamao has a lot to hide.
The beginning of the end is well underway!!! Secrets are kept to keep the unsuspecting to know what is in store for them!!! The liars den is filled by the one who sits upon it's throne!!! When rational is no longer relevant, then none can accuse you of being irrational! The lawless make the laws that they are above!!!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
No changes occur.
How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
The bucket.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
What's the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn't think he's an attorney.
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Just two, all the rest are true.
What's the definition of mixed emotions?
Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
Still having fun. Here is my latest comment to Obama Radio
I stumbled onto NPR today by accident. Boy, what a bunch of idiots. Must be a government run station.
The rubes on NPR are funny, aren't they?The lengths they go to in order to appear nonbiased are hilarious! One moment they feign political nonpartisianship, the next they present the most over the top Progressive/Fascist/Marxist pablum as mainstream! At various times over the years I've attempted to listen to NPR, on a daily basis, to kind of reside amidst the enemy, if you will.Alas, I only end up yelling at my radio! ;^) And to think they DO receive government funding, how reprehensible!They'll tell you that they only receive limited funding from the government, mostly in the form of grants, who cares?The fact is they shouldn't receive ANY funding, not one cent!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
It is a lot of fun messing with the Liberals. They ask, they shall receive.
That's right! Tis' better to give than receive! ;^)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
Nice try, kind of.EPIC FAIL !! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hanzo
LMAO…………….Msy8s
You just hit the nail on the head… forget health care… lets regulate the lawyers…that should cause one hell of a lawsuit ….
A tragic waste, if there were any empty seats.
[...] » How Many Justice Lawyers Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb … [...]
[...] » How Many Justice Lawyers Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb … [...]
abrader…
dankcash is a huge scam…
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