How I Spent My Hawaiian Vacation
by Jason Killian MeathBy Barack Obama
It certainly was a holiday to remember. Since I’m President of the United States, I was able to choose anywhere in the world to spend a long, lazy couple of weeks. So, we got the 747 gassed up to head to Hawaii for the Holidays. When I learned Health Care Reform might be held up in the Senate on Christmas Eve, many felt nervous that the holiday kickoff would hit a snafu. Sure, it’s one of the most complicated and controversial bills in American history, but we had turkeys to baste and chestnuts to roast.
Great news, we cooked up a plan to slap a 10 percent tax on people who go to tanning beds — that ought to fix paying for all this! Plus, Senator Harry Reid ensured the democrats who were going to bail on the bill were handsomely paid off, so we quickly squeaked out a win on that sucker before anyone had a chance to read it! The partisan divide may now be bigger than ever, but I made it out of D.C. on time to head for some quality climate change — to the land where palm trees sway for some holiday island fun — Mele Kalikimaka!
I didn’t want to start focusing on the failing U.S. economy until 2010. So, while it was still 2009, I thought I’d stay in a rented $9 million oceanfront estate. No sense in cutting back now –my health care bill will likely lead to government takeover of one-sixth of the U.S. economy. If I’m going to behave like a king, might as well live like one.
Someone suggested attending church during Christmas as it is a celebration of the Savior’s birth. But I’m really just here to relax. Besides, I need to wake up early tomorrow– it’s Christmas Day and first item on my agenda is to work out at the gym! Churchgoing is for the other 80% of Americans, I still haven’t even found one to go to in Washington… but I’m looking really hard.
We decided to release 6 Guantanamo detainees back to Yemen — I really want to empty that place out. (The timing was perfect, seems everyone was focused on the holidays, so the press buried the story). I say, let’s send them back home, or bring them to America for trial — New York City preferably.
On Christmas morning, I did what most American dads do — I got up at 6:30 a.m. and headed for some body-sculpting.
Even though Michelle told the press she got me several things for Christmas, turns out we aren’t even exchanging any gifts… so, she was either making the whole thing up or taking back everything she bought for me. What’s more, she asked me in front of Oprah what I got her this year — I told Oprah I give “nicer stuff than I get” — but we left out the part about not getting each other anything at all. Nothing says Merry Christmas more than skipping out on church and no presents for your wife.
Oh, almost forgot. Some kid tried blowing up an airliner flying to Detroit on Christmas morning. Thankfully, I was able to wake up, get the workout in and return to breakfast in paradise before anyone told me. I didn’t bother commenting on it for a few days. That’s what I have a Director of Homeland Security for – right? Besides, even though the guy made it through several checkpoints and lit a bomb in the cabin, Secretary Napolitano assured everyone ‘the system worked.’ By ’system,’ we mean that passengers who see a man lighting himself on fire should start screaming and grab a fire extinguisher. After all, I don’t even have a TSA director in place yet. I’m at the beach.
Speaking of the beach, my golf game at the fabulous Luana Hills Country Club was interrupted. A family friend’s son was injured while horsing around and I had to go check on him… was okay, but it gave us all a real scare… Phew! Reminds me I need to make an official comment on this airline bomber — oh well, back to the golf course.
Jeez! Back in the lower 48 they are all yammering about national security, I mean, you would think we were back in the stifling days of W. Any case, I issued a statement 6 days after the attempted attack – so they all need to get off my back. Okay, got a date at the Kailua Racquet Club.
Well, turns out, the attack was terrorists. From Yemen. Hope this doesn’t throw a wrench in shutting Guantanamo, half of everyone there is from Yemen. Any-hoo, we’ll look into it sometime when I get back from the beach. Take care and, like they say in Hawaii — a hui hou!
POST SCRIPT: Pres. Obama told reporters he “wasn’t ready” to return to DC. ABC News reported “The First Lady went so far as to try to rally the traveling staff and press to remain in Hawaii a bit longer. “Let’s stay!” she said “Are we all in? I’m trying to mount a coup here!”
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
| 
Follow Us on Twitter
Subscribe via RSS
Got a Tip?
168 Comments
Against the Health care plan? express your opinion at http://www.obamahealthcareplan.org
Their rank immaturity and cowardice kills my sense of humor so I can't think of a snappy post. I'll just use one of his words; "Audacity."
Again, for me and not for thee. What an egomaniac.
the press is doing obama `roid checks for reasons other than,well, they`re good at it – they are going to need a bail out soon – turns out most people don`t read the communist times.
There is an email going around saying that by flying out of Washington on Christmas Day the Obamas broke a long habit of good manners by other Presidents. Others have not left until after the 25th, making it possible for staff to be with their families on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The Obamas saw to it that all the folks who had to staff their vacation missed Christmas with their families: Secret Service, Air Force One pilots and crew, reporters, and Obama family staff. The Obama sense of the Love and Holiness of Christmas seemed fully absent.
Thank god the media/statist alliance remains intact. Otherwise we'd be seeing disconcerting headlines like "Bush Vacations while Nation Is in Shambles." No news is good news.
Bush went to Texas every year. Obama is from Hawaii, why folks tripping?
I wish BO and clan had stayed in Hawaii. I wish they had made him King of Hawaii.
Hysterical you are just too effing dense to see the issues involved here. No wonder this ass clown is president with such informed, intelligent voters as you.
Why not do both? He could set up a new White House in Hawaii. If is good enough for Constantine is good enough for Glorious Leader.
"Obama is from Hawaii…"
Well, he lived there for a while, anyway.
I'm sure the press didn't mind being in Hawaii, either. They'll do anything to keep BO in office so they can keep having those vacations in paradise on their expense accounts. What a life!
The country might run better if Barry O stayed in Hawaii and the government cut off all contact so His Majesty could get some rest.
Majesty, soak it up while you can, three years and counting, unless the riffraff storms the Bastile before then!
what is the word he always seems to somehow weave into everyone of his scripted telepromter read speeches??? oh yeah…..I remember……….he always says "unprecedented"….he loves to make everything he does, or everything he promises to do is "unprecedented"…..
The only thing "unprecenented" about this President is his arrogance, hubris, elitist, and total disregard for the US Constitution. He thinks he knows better…..he thinks his law degree and crackerjack intellect qualify him toi rewrite the Constitution. Why? What's wrong with our Constitution?? Oh…..it doesn't say the Chief Community Organizer is King…..surrounded by his czars all following their playbook from Sal Alinsky…………….
This guy is obviously lacking something. You could call it soul, heart or a core. I'm amazed how many people can't see it.
Because we are able to sift through all the news and have figured out that this guy is no good. He has already played golf more that W did in his entire administration. He does not take the conflict between us and Islamic extremists seriously enough to "call them out", please note that he waited a long time to speak on this disaster, then he reveals his plans by tagging this maniac "an isolated" extremist. Rather than focusing efforts of this being a war and all, he has been trying his hardest to paint himself as savior of the situation, a virtual Ghandi in exercise clothes.
Anyone with common sense would realize this "war" has been going on for a long time. He appears only to be good at giving speeches, and at self-delusion; definitely has little ability to remember events and digest history.
But they deeply care about the ordinary person and know exactly how to remake the nation so everybody is equal–although some are more equal than others.
He says "unprecedented" but he means "unpresidented." He's kinda like 7-up: he's the Unpresident.
Narcissists generally lack the ability to "connect" with others, I suppose because no else counts to them…
You’ve really hit his arrogant attitude on the head. $9million rental house. Meanwhile, real families won’t be able to take any vacations at all this year and we are all cutting back in other things as well because who knows who will even have a job. And if we do have a job how will we afford the enormous hike in taxes looming on the not so distant horizon.
Bush cleared bush in Texas. Obamie spent taxpayer's money in gobs staying in Kialua. "Wees be movin on up!"
Stan, I'm afraid the growing backlash will lead to the Republicans reigning him in this November and create the same scenario that we had in 1994. Bill Clinton would not have been nearly as successful as he was without Newt as Speaker of the House and keeping him in check. This bozo could be around for two terms.
http://zombietime.com/lgf_dictionary/#moby
http://zombietime.com/lgf_dictionary/#moby
Who says conservatives don't have a sense of humor?
He could have paid for the vacation himself if he didn' t have to keep spending millions to avoid showing us his original birth certificate.
This article was hilarious, I was LMAO, then I thought……Oh crap, everything Mr.Meath has written IS the truth, NOT satire.Then I got depressed(3 more years, ugh!)…..
Hanzo
Because Obama's home is Chicago, not Hawaii!! But who wants to go there in the winter. Let the taxpayers foot the bill for a warm vacation.
Liberals
"We bees movin on up………………You shut your "M@F@" white mouth an keep payin those taxes!"
We can always hope for gridlock then….
Hanzo
10 more months, Hanzo. November 2, 2010-vote the bums out and neuter this pig.
Snark and coffee for breakfast. Fuel for the day!
BTW – Obama did go to Church on Christmas – and every other day of the week… sometimes twice. His body is his temple and he worships freely and openly with every admiring glance in the floor to ceiling mirror at the gym.
Sigh.
Faithful. Obedient. Omniscient.
Exactly, Bush lived in Texas and stayed at his own private property, not a rented mansion(plus 2 others for his posse!). I don't care what anyone says about Bush, he wasn't disconnected from reality as BHO is.Oh, he didn't need a teleprompter to answer every softball question from the MSM(that's right, Bush never got a softball question, just derision and ambush, hit-piece style questions and remarks!)….. Hanzo
How much did it cost "us" to have Bush stay in his own home?
Yeah, that is so less racist.
He's not even good at giving speeches(see:Ronald Reagan), without the TOTUS, BHO would be helpless(we've bore witness to that already)…….
Hanzo
He slipped up when he said this was the first time he had been to Hawaii.
How about "Megalomania", 1 of my words for BHO. Just sayin'….
Hanzo
May be that is why he took this luxurious vacation, to help stimulate the economy? <sarc>
Yep, we're FORCED to cut back on everything while everyone in DC goes on spending sprees with OUR money. BO didn't pay for a thing with his own money. He paid for everything with OUR money.
"A lot of truth is said in jest"….When I see him, I
lose my sense of humor too….The arrogance of
this whole bunch makes me ill……..
I heard on FNC this that the Obama Administration is now spinning his golf game (after learning of the passenger thwarted terrorist attack) as being something Obama didn't Want To Do, but felt obligated to do. He hadn't planned on playing golf – but did so to show that the U.S. was not affected by the attack.
Unbelievable. Conspicous Consumption is a Sacrifice to the Obamas.
Hmmm, maybe that's what they are trying to
do, make us all ill so we'll embrace Obamacare?..lol
Why hasn't anyone reported that the president went sky diving as well on this vacation? A friend of mine was in hawaii and tried to go and all 3 sky diving companies were shut down the day she wanted to go because the president decided he wanted to go that day so she was unable to dive.
Alright here we go. The decider has left office so now presidential vacations are hypocritical theft of tax payer dollars.
It doesn't matter what Obama does, you people are going to criticize him. His offense was winning an election so now you are going to hound him no matter how petty or simple it makes you sound. A small price to pay for an opportunity to vent. I get it.
A total and complete disconnect this president. He has no humility for the economic suffering of our citizens. He is a heartless idealogue with himself as his only focus. Reagan and Bush would never leave Washington during the season so staff could spend the time with their families. Oh..and don't forget…he is muslim.
let's revise for a reality for the lefties…Alright here we go.
"The decider has left office so now presidential vacations are hypocritical theft of tax payer dollars.
It doesn't matter what Bush does, you people are going to criticize him. His offense was winning an election so now you are going to hound him no matter how petty or simple it makes you sound. A small price to pay for an opportunity to vent. I get it."
hypocrite!!
Hmmmm….how do you know that 'audacity' didn't originate with Bill Ayres, O's 'helper/ghostwriter' ?
His 'offense' wasn't winning the election. That was the people's offense. We voted him in. Well, I didn't, I voted for (ugh) McCain, because that was the only alternative. Many, many on the left hated Bush no matter what. When the planes hit the twin towers and the pentagon and that field in Penn. on 9/11 Bush was excoriated because he took 7 seconds of a blank stare when he was told the news in front of school children. Then when they whisked him away on Airforce 1 and he couldn't respond right away he was further lambasted. This President plays golf and ignores a terrorist attempt and he's given a pass. How about Hurricane Katrina, when Bush was on vacation during a natural disaster and he was still held responsible for that. You, Mikatollah (interesting name, illicits a little profiling on my part) are a first class, A-1 HYPOCRITE!
0bama's goal is to change EVERYTHING that is traditional in this country. He and his wife are both raving egomaniacs (and it's hard to blame them; if they read and believe what the MSM writes about them, how could they possibly be any different?).
And after all, everyone else is just staff, don't you realize?
But, the Obamas' don't celebrate Christmas, so it was no imposition to them, and we all know by now , that it's all about him and what he wants!
Unprecedented number of criminals, and pedophiles on staff at the White House!!!
THAT would be another 'unprecedented' situation!! What arrogance!!!
He DIDN'T win the election! He STOLE it, with the help of his criminal organization ACORN!!!
Well, this IS an Imperial Presidency…little people are mere chattle.
yup, and Texas and Hawai`i are EXACTLY alike, in Dec. or summer..or NEVER! LOL! (and I'm a Texan)
It's nice to this petty despot "enjoyed himself" on our dime.
Hey Okenyan, you "own" a home in Chicago – "vacation there"!
Yip, you have me confused with some other lib. I think it is all a bunch of nonsense and it has been going on since I can remember. I was responding to the knucklehead who wrote this article and perpetuate it.
Sorry………..Truth hurts.
Washing, D.C.: Harare, Zimbebwe Barry Obamie: Robert Mugabe Michelle Obamie: "Winnie" Mandela Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Hawaiian vacation?
It's all a consequence of:
THE PASSION OF THE PICKLE-YELLER
http://naturalfake.wordpress.com/2010/01/10/the-p...
I did see that film of Bush reading "My Pet Goat" after being told the second plane had hit the twin towers. He looked pretty confused while the rest of us instantly realize we were now under attack.
So you thing a botched underpants bomber rises to the level of the destruction of a great American city? That's a stretch.
You should click on my moniker and learn a little bit about me before you assume you know me.
As president, Harry Truman paid for all of his travel expenses and food.
The only asset he had when he died was the house his wife inherited from her mother and father.
This is, excepting the four years in the white house, the only house the Trumans ever lived in.
When he retired in 1952 his income was a U.S. army pension reported to be $13,507.72.
Congress granted him and allowance and later a retroactive pension of $25,000 a year.
Shall I go on with the comparrison? And he was a Democrat.
You're slippin.
Never underestimate the stupidity of the masses. Not only is Mikatollah a hypocrite…he's also a moron. He's not interested in facts and evidence. This die-hard Obama supporter probably hates this country as much as BO does. His end will come in 2012 when all Americans who really care about this country have another chance to rectify the mistake that was made when so many idiots voted for Obama in the first place.
… and tax evaders
Ok kooz, not my best effort. My heart just isn't in a debate over presidential vacations.
Obama won by 10 million votes… Those guys at ACORN sound like a bunch of knuckleheads, but if they are as effective as you give them credit for, perhaps we should send them after ol Osama Bin laden.
With ACORN on the job Bin laden is going down!
You have political amnesia. Retirement dulls you. In all Bush terms they were lambasted because they didn't respond to disasters BEFORE they occurred. You are intolerant of any criticism of this no-account, never-employed self centered infant. He was 3 days getting to a mike because no one could figure out what to have him say that would sell. Again, needed a re-do: Go out there and talk tough! Borrow from Truman: buck stops here! Listen, laddie no buck stops with this poseur. Ain't never gonna be his fault. Get over yourself; when one aspires to the highest office in the land THERE IS NO VACATION from the job. Some unhappy child lights a bomb in a plane cabin don't deliver" ho-hum, I'm on vacay" crap. I expect my president to be all the time available, out in front, showing me he's IN CHARGE every waking moment, not some dithering incompetent telling me a failed system worked, like I'm the moron. Feel safer now? You nuts???
I love you! What a truth teller!
I am disgusted the Prez leaves the mainland far away and retreats to expensive digs. Shows arigance and with so many people out of work, I'm embarrassed for our country.
It wouldn't matter if he went on vacation if he Actually Answered The Phone at 3AM and Handled The Situation.
He didn't. We have an administration made up of career politicians, academics, and government bureaucrats who are hard wired to think they are entitled to a vacation during the winter holidays. Nobody was home. The lack of seriousness should be alarming to all Americans, regardless of ideological bent.
Flap: if only. The way I heard it (via a French journalist who spilled the beans), the "Press" were getting their accommodations on us…gratis. Free. Taxpayer paid. And in really, really nice hotels…as if there are any other kind in Hawaii.
Yeah…. why folks tripping? The weed is better in Hawaii than Chicago. Thought you understood the down low.
You Ass!! Get a job and pay your own damn taxes. Quit living off welfare….you don't deserve it !!
Who gives a freak about our motivations to vent here anyway?We're American citizens, we're TAXPAYERS, we didn't put BHO in office, we can bitch and moan about anything we want, whenever we want, it's our God given right. Ever heard of the 1st amendment? Or does it only hold sway when we're venting about the "politically correct" target du'jour? We're lucky to have this forum to state our opinioins, as are YOU!!!
Barry probably never went to church on Christmas a day in his life.
yeah, he doesn't have any original words, they all come from the TOTUS (teleprompter of the u.s.)
The basic format of the article is too snarky for me and shouldn't be on the page. That said, the substance of the article is dead on. I am sick to death of the double standards. The media could not stop hounding bush over working out and running to keep in shape..that is portrayed as lazy and unpresidential. When Obama works out it becomes the national mandate for all. I was actually surprised to see how much golf he plays and given the circumstances, it really does sound like too much. What does he do? I ask this because I believe that he is the victim of too much affirmative action and that he is, in fact, LAZY, as well as inexperienced. The proof of this would be in his records and that is the reason he has sealed off all of his school records, although I suspect other reasons as well. It is outrageous that he was elected with so much information hidden..that in itself is the biggest double standard of all. No one in journalism to tell us about him and 30 journalists scouring wasilla…it just has to stop.
I may be nuts, but this tread is starting to bore me…
Taxpayer paid or state sponsored press corporation paid–soon it will all be the same anyhow. You certainly don't want to be too critical or you might get assigned to cover a Tea Party in Duluth in the winter.
Like I said in my post, "I get it…"
Really, he's a Muslim? … Does Glenn Beck know about this?
Like I tell my granddaughter… "Use your words". Makes it easier to communicate.
Please do go on with your comparison, and while you are at it, make a point.
Q: How many far right-wingers wish the Underpants Bomber succeeded?
A: ALL.
IntenseDebate Notification <DIV>Didn't mean to chap your buttocks, my good man….
</DIV> <DIV style=\”FONT: 10pt arial\”>
So far, I haven't seen anyone accuse Barack Obama of complicity in mass murder.
Or "betraying his country" by "playing on our fears" …
… and I don't remember anybody calling him a chimp either – remarkable restraint, I'd say, when you consider the fact that all us right-wingnuts who criticize the Dear Leader are just a bunch of RACISTS – right, Lefty ?
I suspect Audacity of Hope was written by campaign manager David Plouff, who recently released Audacity to Win. If anyone has read both books, please tell us if they are written in the same "voice." Those who investigated the books allegedly written by The Messiah, claim that Dreams of My Father was written by Bill Ayres because it is very similar to his other books, but that Audacity of Hope was not written in the same "voice" as Dreams…. and it is suspected that perhaps one of Obozo's speechwriters might have written it. I say we start with Plouff.
How I Spent My Hawaiian Vacation by Jason Killian Meath:
Home is where great memories lie!
That also proves that "drugs" do not rot the mind, for sure?
No I'm good. Thanks for the reply.
Oh yeah I forgot to add, we dodged a "big one" on Christmas Day, JanetN was correct in saying that the system worked – to it really didn't, we did cancel his visa while he was already on the plane, and we were going to question him strongly when he arrived.
Did you notice the Irony in:
A black president slapping a tax on tanning beds?
It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out who will be paying and who won't.
How clever. Did it take you a long time to think that one up?
Have some Obama shave ice as your reward.
King Hopey Changey doesn't translate well in the native language. It's something like "I'maphoneybaloneymoderndaysnakeoilsalesman." Too difficult for those who speak selective Ebonics.
ronin551
Unprecedented number of dead voters
Unprecedented arm twisting
Unprecedented pay offs in first year
Unprecedented views up his nostrils
I'd like to see his Harvard Law transcripts. I'd also like to know if he had to take the bar exam more than once and what his score was. I'd love to see him debate Mark Levin on constitutional matters.
We know from Harvard Law Review editors that President Hopey Changey did NOT write any published papers, but was elected president of the review because he was the backslapping, how ya' doin' guy who organized the coffees. That and his "light skin" color (/s) got him elected. He's been plying his schtick for years.
He's also a sociopath and doesn't feel emotion the same way normal people do. He comes off as cold-hearted and cunning. He's also petty and vindictive.
You must be logged in to post a comment.