“Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.”

—Henry David Thoreau

God, I love fishing. I dig fishing almost as much as hunting (almost). I love it so much that I moved to a place that is one of the top angling spots in the world: Miami, Florida. And you know what? I milk these waters as much as a working man can.

My fishing roots extend back to Texas and my rowdy childhood when my dad used to take me and my brother fishing on the many lakes, ponds and rivers the Lone Star state has to offer.

Our stringer was typical of a freshwater 60s and 70s Texas catch: perch, crappie, black bass, white bass, channel cats, carp and gar. It was way cool for this little redneck. Yes indeed, Bob-Dawg, I dug it all.

For example, as a young punk I took insane pleasure in:

• Buying fishing gear. Very cool.
• Practicing my casting accuracy in my backyard (which still serves me well to this day)
• Reading Outdoor Life and getting pumped on its fishing lies … I mean … stories
• Experiencing the inability to sleep the night before getting up and declaring war on the fish
• Buying bait at freaky bait shops run by guys I swear worked as extras on the movie Deliverance
• Arriving at our strategic and wild location and having the privilege of watching and listening to that which is untamed waking up and beginning its tooth, fang and claw survival of the fittest exchange with Mother Nature. Life and death in its purest form, Nancy boys.
• Taking a crash course from my dad and other gents regarding different lures and the various ways to present them
• And then, of course, the entre, actually catching a fish and grappling with my gigantic aquatic monster which was, in all reality, a pound-and-a-half bass. (I didn’t care, though, because as far as I was concerned, I was Ernest-Frickin’-Hemingway’s character Santiago, and that little bass was my Marlin.)
• And lastly, basking in the great satisfaction later that evening of watching adults eat what this rugrat provided. I am iron man. Dun, dun. Dun na dun dunna dunna dunna dun dunna dun.

As a young squab, the whole fishing enchilada, from soup to nuts, represented what Bryan Adams called, “The best days of my life.”

With the busyness of college, getting married, raising little girls, making money, and kicking ass, I got out of the fishing groove until I moved mi familia to Miami where I became a fishing kid again and quickly returned to my angling roots.

After a couple of years of getting settled in, weeding through the rip-off charters and bad captains, I landed on two Capitans who are worth their weight in gold. After the Lord blessed me with those two leads I quickly called my dad to get his butt on a plane to bend some rods South Florida style. And oh my God have we crushed the fish.

Not only has pops been a part of many insane hauls, but my wife and my two infamous daughters have, as well. Matter of fact, my girls grew up catching big game fish on light tackle twice their body length without daddy’s help. That’s how they roll, boys. Grow a pair or go home.

In addition to my familial fishing trips, we have had the pleasure of fishing with folks from all over the world and from every conceivable walk of life: from diplomats, bestselling authors, pundits, big name rock stars, Fox News contributors, missionaries, attorney generals, terminal cancer patients, and good buddies at church, to at risk teens without hope and without a clue. We have always had an amazing time, sharing in our mutual addiction that we seek no cure from (i.e. the screaming reel).

The fish we have caught, of which I have the pictures and videos to prove, include: giant bull sharks, lemon sharks, great hammerheads, black tip sharks, spinner sharks (the most enjoyable shark to hook), dusky sharks, sailfish, dolphin, goliath grouper (and their many cousins), permit, bonefish, giant barracuda, tarpon, snook, speckled trout, jack cravelles, amberjack, ladyfish, blue fish, snapper, tripletails, yellow jacks, kingfish, Spanish mackerel, bonita, tuna, red fish and a couple of things I didn’t know what the hell they were.

We have caught them all: small, medium and large. In the gorgeous ultra marine blue seas of the Atlantic, to the gin-clear flats of Biscayne Bay, down to Key West, to the murky fish-rich waters of Chokoloskee, the Ten Thousand Islands area, and the gorgeous, uninhabited sanctuary of Flamingo.

Yep, I blame fish for a lot of the great times in my life. Check it out: All around the personal pursuit of my finny little friend, my life and my relationships have been greatly enriched via stretched monofilament and high-pitched Diawa drag screams.

Which brings me to the point of my column. As much as I have been there and have done that from a fishing standpoint, as you can guess from my eight-hundred-word gush above, I can’t imagine not fishing for the rest of my life nor my kid’s kids not being able to be anglers should they so desire. Fishing is one of the cherished liberties and activities that keeps me giddy about the great American experiment.

That’s why when I hear crap that Obama and his “progressive” ilk want to ban fishing, it gets me … uh … how shall I put this … um… angry. Yeah, that’s a good word. Not only are they upending this nation on many different economical fronts but now they’re talking about the recreationally and economically disastrous move of banning fishing? What’s next? Are they going to ban apple pie? Blonde-haired girls? Chevrolet? No, they own Chevy now. What about baseball?

For those who say, “Ah, it’ll never happen in America,” that’s probably what some folks in Ontario thought before the World Wildlife Fund and the International Fund for Animal Welfare completed their successful campaign to convince the Ontario government to shut down one of the best managed big-game hunts in North America, which crippled many small businesses and the tourism economy of communities across northern and central Ontario.

My advice to fishermen everywhere is to refuse to be silent and scream now via phone calls, emails and faxes to your reps as loud as your Penn reel would wail with a 50lb kingfish strippin’ off its line.

For more info on what BHO and his tree humping boys plan to do, go here … and here. Lastly, click here to fish with my Captain, Gavet Tuttle, at BackForMore.com.

In addition, Eden took a swipe at Lila Rose, Planned Parenthood’s main pain in the butt, for being deceptive in her undercover vids which exposed Planned Parenthood’s illegal activity. Oh, and I almost forgot: Dawn also busted on Hannah for being un-Christlike for wearing a miniskirt and dressing like a hooker.  Sounds a little catty to me—and a wee bit like Dana Carvey’s Church Lady—but I digress.

First off, Ms. Eden, if you ever drum up the nerve to expose a scandalous multimillion dollar Obama-backed, taxpayer-funded organization for doing illegal crap and then undergo death threats (versus sitting on the sidelines and simply critiquing those who have the cojones to do so) you will find that the lawbreakers are rather reticent in telling journalists, who are intent on exposing and destroying their world, exactly how they’re breaking the law.  Yeah, I know.  It’s weird, eh?

You’d think that nefarious organizations would just spill their guts, throw up their hands, give up their hard drives, refrain from dumping tens of thousands of documents in a dumpster, and just cooperate to the fullest extent with the FBI and the DOJ, but alas, they don’t because they’re criminals, and criminals, generally speaking, aren’t known for truthfulness, contrition and full disclosure with cops.

Therefore, most of the time when journalists, Christian or not, want to get the 411 on a reprehensible group, they usually have to fly under the radar, you know, by being misleading, going stealth, acting like serpents, slithering in and getting the apple in front of the culprit and seeing if they’ll take the bait. Deception is a given in the truth seeker’s toolbox when it comes to dealing with slippery critters who won’t easily spill the beans. It’s called hunting.  Haven’t you ever watched a Jason Bourne movie, seen Barney Fife in action, or read Joshua or Judges?  Geez, Dawn.  Come to speed, why don’t cha?

For frail Dawn, the deceptive tactics Giles, O’Keefe and Rose employed in exposing crappy cabals like ACORN and Planned Parenthood present a pious conundrum because she sees deceit, in all forms, as evil; according to her read of the Bible, sweet Jesus would never give the thumbs-up to a believer to participate in that kind of devilish activity.

No, for Dawn, we must pray, be more “mature,” take the high road, wait a million years, come through the front door with a press pass around our neck, and tell the twisted that the USA and Jesus would really appreciate it if ACORN and Planned Parenthood would confess their sins, close down their operations, and become a Ben & Jerry’s.

Here’s my take on whether or not Jesus and the Bible are cool with deceit for righteous purposes.  First off, when I’m talking about Jesus, I’m talking about the one in the Bible who methodically made a whip and beat the religious hucksters out of the temple (that’s not very Christlike, eh Dawn?), purposely picked fights with sanctimonious toads and political pukes, and instructed his disciples to be “shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves” (Mt. 10:16).  Or, as my King Doug Contra Mundus Translation interprets the original Greek text, “be as clever as the Devil.”  Yep, good old Jesus said it’s okay to imitate the serpent in regard to cleverness; just be righteous in spirit and desired goals.

From what I know from my own serious Christian kid and O’Keefe (as well as Rose, via several interviews with her), their motivations were pure in that they wanted to sink these two sucky organizations—organizations, mind you, that are on tape aiding and abetting underage prostitution, home loans for multiple whorehouses, money laundering, tax fraud, millions of abortions, and not just any old abortions but abortions for underage girls (without their parents’ knowledge or consent) who have been the victims of statutory rape.

The reason I believe Jesus wouldn’t give a flip about these three heroes’ mad methods but would instead applaud their efforts is because the Scripture doesn’t condemn:

Rahab, a real whore, for her sleight of hand with the Canaanites
Gideon’s pretense with his small army
Abraham’s lie regarding his wife
King David’s feigned madness before King Achish.

Real life is war, sweetie pie, and I hate to burst your smug balloon, my dear Dawn, but sometimes playing dirty for noble reasons is the right thing to do.

With Eden’s edict banning deception, it follows that Christian cops couldn’t do their fabulous undercover work; Christian soldiers couldn’t wear deceptive camo or take on local dress in order to whack the Taliban; Christian CIA ops would have to wear dove and fish T-Shirts instead of their Simon Templar garb; and the amazing Christians who lied to the murderous Nazis would all be uniformly condemned for fibbing about the whereabouts of precious Jews they were hiding.

Lastly, Dawn, at the end of the day, I believe Hannah, James and Lila will get mad applause in heaven as they are here on earth for exposing ACORN and Planned Parenthood’s hellish practices.  I know, as a Christian, I prefer their ways of doing things to your way of not doing them.  Amen.

According to señor Roach via BigGovernment.com, after the release of the San Diego ACORN sting videos—which my daughter Hannah, James O’Keefe, and Andrew Breitbart dropped on the Nation’s head—and following Governor Schwarzenegger’s call for a probe into this batty zoo, Roach took it upon himself to get busy and see if he could ferret out more funky filth from this nefarious gang.

And, as stated, Roach scored more than Dwayne Wade would playing hoops against blind five-year-old, one-legged narcoleptic midgets.

What did Papa Roach come across?  Well, my children, it was stuff like …

• Information exposing the inner workings of ACORN in California.
• Sensitive personal information belonging to employees, members and ACORN clients, such as social security numbers, driver’s license numbers, immigration records, and tax returns.
• ACORN’s political agenda is also laid bare, with thousands upon thousands of documents revealing the depth of the political machine that is ACORN and its disturbing ties not only to public employee labor unions but some of the most radical leftist organizations in existence (I wonder which politicians we will discover are in cahoots with these goofy clowns?).

The timing of this 20k plus page paper plunk of sensitive and incriminating 411 is kinda interesting as well.  Check it out:

• On October 1, 2009 California Attorney General Jerry announced that he was going to do a little look-see inside ACORN’s hull to determine if their San Diego office was as innocent as Bertha Lewis, David Lagstein and the Mange Stream Media screamed them to be.
• “Coincidently,” just a few days prior to when AG Brown was slated to pay them a howdy-doo, low and behold, on October 9, ACORN San Diego decided to do a bit of midnight spring cleaning and dump all their docs in a public dumpster to spruce up the joint before the AG’s arrival.
• Unfortunately for poor ACORN, PI Derrick Roach was parked outside waiting for them to do something stupid like dump 20,000 plus pages of their corporate papyrus and their clients’ personal records in a trash bin behind their slim shady facilities.

By the way, are there laws governing how personal info like social security numbers, tax returns, driver’s license numbers and stuff like that should be handled?  I’m thinking there would be.  Hmmm, I don’t know.  Maybe Media Matters will look into it; if there are laws demanding stringent care and disposal of sensitive info, it looks like ACORN, prima facia, could be in deep crap with a stack of folks for placing their private stories in a public dumpster.

I would now like to address you, Mr. Roach.  Good job, old chap! As Hannah Giles’ father and one who has been on the receiving end of the ACORN/Mange Stream Media stick, please take my advice and brace for the vilifying crunch from these numb nuts.

They’re are going to hit you with retarded stuff like …

• How dare a conservative PI jump into a dumpster and steal trash?!  It’s unethical.
• You’re not a legitimate trash man.  You’ve never been to trash man school.
• The trash did not give its consent to be removed from the dumpster.  California law requires garbage to give its go-ahead before it is embraced by another.
• FOX News paid you 100 kadrillion dollar$ to dumpster dive.
• You tried this at thousands of other ACORN dumpsters and came up snake eyes.
• No other ACORN office would ever dispose of their clients’ records like this, except, of course, for that Oklahoma ACORN branch that left all their computers and crap on the curb after they got kicked out of their building for not paying the bills.

ACORN, naturally, is going into full damsel in distress mode, stating it was an accident and a coincidence that it occurred right before Brown and his boys were to perform their investigative colonoscopy into ACORN’s corrupt underbelly.

ACORN also blathered that Roach stole their trash.  Stole your trash?  Hey ACORN, once you place your clients’ sensitive info and your political playbook into le garbage it is public domain.  Every hooker running a whorehouse with underage sex slaves knows that.

Lastly, will the little darlings on the left report this?  Will Eric Holder call for a brutal investigation into the ACORNucopia of corruption of which BigGov and some citizen soldiers have uncovered?  Garsh … who knows!  I guess we poor little serf’s of Obamaland will just have to wait and see.

Sarah, if you’re reading this column, maybe you should throw your name behind ACORN for a month or two just to get the White House/ACORN’s lap dogs to finally join with FOX and bark down the despicable ACORN clowns until they’re properly vilified, permanently defunded, and eternally ensconced in American history as nothing more than a bad, bad memory—a veritable proverb for corruption. 

After lending your name, Mrs. Palin, to ACORN for say, uh, 60 days or so, you could then say you were just BSing everyone to get the tools on the left to finally do the job these limp noodles are supposed to be doing: namely getting to the bottom of ACORN’s odious, braying deception.

This past Wednesday at the National Press Club, Andrew Breitbart, Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe once again released more ACORN footage that showed Bertha and her buddies to be lying through their taxpayer-funded, coffee-stained teeth.  They shot holes in Berth’s bunkum. I’m talking .50 cal BMG holes.

Did you see it on TV, people?  Short answer: no.  Are you surprised?  That would be “h” to the “no.” 

If you did read about it via los loco lefty blogs, I gar-ron-tee they uniformly responded with the predictable “kill the messenger” schlock instead of their reporters saying, “Holy crap! ACORN looks like they lied their butts off to us once again.  Maybe there’s somethin’ to these videos after all.  Garsh.”

Hey, media wizards, if you really give a flibbertigibbet about the facts of the ACORN controversy, howzabout demanding ACORN cease and desist the specious fear tactic lawsuit slop and just roll the tapes, huh? Let’s hear the audio, numb nuts.  What are you afraid of? 

If ACORN is the lily white virgin daiquiris of innocence and virtue they purport to be then they should be all giddy about green-lighting Breitbart to push the Philly play button in order to show the world what their dudes truly counseled in the city of brotherly love. 

I mean . . . why not?  If you guys are above suspicion and the full Philadelphia audio illuminates that “fact,” then Giles, O’Keefe and Breitbart will be shown as the assassins you declare them to be, right?  Until that day when you come clean you guys look really frickin’ guilty to those of us who still have a lick of common sense and decency.

Yep, until the media demands that ACORN play the Philly tapes and ACORN capitulates, we will never hear a discouraging word from these former news agencies. As stated, the only, only way we’re going to hear about ACORN sucking like we all know they do is if Palin supports them, Wade Rathke shoots a polar bear, or Bertha Lewis runs over a manatee while partying on her beer barge down at Key Biscayne.

Breitbart, via the ACORN controversy, has shown the “mainstream” to be everything but conventional and more akin to an irrelevant, unwatched drip of ideological flotsam that’s entirely in the septic tank for the lunatic left. 

The Daily Show’s John Stewart—hardly a right-winger—also pointed out this willful ACORN media blindness this past month, as only Stewart can.  Yep, it appears the motto of the generic broadcasting boys who’re bent to the left has become: “We distort. We decide.”

Most folks who have a lick of sense have long understood that the media has been mollycoddling the Left and their lovers for quite some time, but this ACORN controversy pummeled us over the flippin’ head with this hypocritical fact. 

Now . . . I get that the former MSM is the mouthpiece for the Amerika that embraces Eurosocialism and all its weirdness, but the question I have, as a goofy sinner who’s part of Christ’s church, is this: Who the heck is the Christian media in the tank for? Their reportage on this ACORN slop has been conspicuously inconspicuous.

Why the silence of the lambs, Jesus people?  I would have thought you guys would be all over this stuff like stink on a monkey. But alas, the holy ones are wholly silent. 

So, why should there be interest and serious reporting of this mega-tale by the broadcast brethren?  Well, I’m glad you boys finally asked, seeing that we’re now about six weeks out. 

Here’s a reason why: Two Christian kids, instead of sitting on their butts in church singing Kum Ba Yah and pulling lint out of their navels in some vapid youth group, saw a multi-million dollar Goliath of crime and corruption fueled by our tax dollars and rose to the occasion, creatively infiltrating an insidious environment and bringing a despicable organization to its knees.  That’s why.  Giles and O’Keefe went biblical. Note that.

Hey, Icthus crowd . . . is that not good enough for you to broadcast? It happened yesterday and was—and still is—huge. I would think you would jump on it because I’ve watched your Christian shows, listened to your radio programs and surfed some of your hallelujah websites, and they could use a Red Bull because they’re bo-ring. Geez people, South Park is even on this!

You’ve ignored this colossal story as you stand on the sidelines of the culture war, watching history being made by two gutsy believers as you ogle some spike-haired Dove award winner or some cheesy, horse-toothed minister who puts the “ky” in icky. You ladies and gents must have some kind of crazy job security.

No doubt some program directors and GMs are getting in a hissy right now and are saying, “Our shows only focus on Jesus!” Try to tell me with a straight face that the Christ of the Bible would be disinterested in two of His young followers devastating an organization that is on film aiding and abetting the sex trafficking of 13-year-olds. Go ahead.  I’ll wait.  (Insert the sound of crickets chirping here.) 

Here’s a new motto I have for your networks:  “Don’t Report. Don’t Complain.”

Look, boys, this Giles and O’Keefe caper is nothin’ but a nation-shaking event spawned by believers that has saved our nation millions of dollars, crippled a nefarious enterprise and encouraged a generation of young people to pull up their pants and get a life.  As the Christian media, I would think you guys would be shouting that from a rooftop.  So, why aren’t you?

As Breitbart called the MSM out, I’m calling you gents out: Why the lack of reporting and support?  We understand MSNBC’s silence. We don’t understand the mute Christian media. 

FOX gets the power of this story.  Talk radio gets it.  The Treasury Department gets it, as does the DOJ, the House and Senate, the IRS, the US Census Bureau, Stewart, Leno, South Park, bloggers on the left and right, DC think-tanks, major publishers, Hollywood and leading speakers’ bureaus—they all get it.  It appears as if everyone gets the gravity and glory of this story except you and the secular left, who refuse to report on it.  Interesting.  Very interesting . . .

*Special props to Gary Bauer, Joseph Farah, Tim Maddoux, Chuck and Larry Bates, Salem, Marvin Olasky, onenewsnow.com, CBN and Gary DeMar for tackling this hot topic.

Matter of fact, because of the insane interest in Hannah and what makes her tick, I’m brewing up a book on raising righteous and rowdy girls in today’s culture.  Evidently, the Giles formula works.  I think I’ll name it Contra Mundus Mamas.  How does that sound? 

 Until that book pops on the scene, though, there is another option. If you’re curious and you would like to get a taste of how the weird Giles family rolls when up against a rock and a hard place, you should check out my latest book, If Youre Going Through Hell, Keep Going!.  It’s a tasty and short read that’ll give you the proper piss-n-vinegar perspective to plow through the various crud life slaps us all with.  Details below:

Doug Giles, popular Townhall.com columnist and father of Hannah Giles, who played the prostitute in the now famous nation-rocking ACORN expose, has just released a new book that shows us how to thrive when things “stink worse than a sundried manatee carcass.”   

Giles’ latest tome, If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going! (Bridge-Logos 2009) is for people who are experiencing a rough earthly patch and are looking for some powerful, practical and faith-filled answers to help them plow through life’s mud.  

In this fast and funky read Giles points out that if you’re currently being stretched then you’re in line for growth and . . . you’re in good company.  Some of the most powerful and amazing folks who have ever graced this globe have gone through prolonged periods of internal and external crud that wasn’t enjoyable.  And get this: They actually grew—even prospered—through their pain. 

Yep, they didn’t blame God or man, turn into atheists, start smoking crack or become bi-curious during their college years just because things didn’t go their way.  No, they cowboyed up, saw their trials as a gift, embraced whatever discipline God/life had for them, exercised their faith when under fire, and through it all became holy winners and not haggard whiners. 

If you don’t feel geared up for difficult times or you’re currently getting tossed around by life’s junk like David Dukes in a Lil Wayne mosh pit, Doug’s book, If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going!, will prep you to plow through life’s dense fog via the principles of God.   

In addition, this book will give you a sneak peek into the attitudes Giles instilled in his daughter Hannah to give her the internal fortitude to infiltrate ACORN and, along with O’Keefe and Breitbart, bring it to its knees and remain standing with unwavering confidence amidst massive antagonistic attacks. 

Get ready to learn, laugh, become offended (possibly) and thoroughly equipped to milk the bad in life for all of its good. 

Foreword by Maj. General Paul Vallely, US Army (retired). 

$1 per copy goes to the Scott Vallely Memorial Fund, which supports our troops and their families. 

You can purchase If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going! online at clashradio.com, amazon.com, and various other fine online or terrestrial bookstores.